Please Understand Why

The Little Things

            One thing I said that will stick with me is "We could go back and forth for a while, but I'm just going to say you are important, special and deserve all the wonderful things that life could offer. And, I'm sorry you don't see or feel it and you haven't been given your true worth."

        It sticks with me because it speaks volumes and just amazes me about how I was able to come up with that. I mean over this summer I realized the boy I once loved, I don't anymore. I know that I'm more messed up and I don't need people in my life to be happy. That I should have just stayed with the people that were true to me since the beginning. Since I've been in the country with little to no connection with homelife, it has opened up my eyes. And, has made it clear to me what I do and I do not want. It's also made me realize that if he really cared about me the way he claimed, he would have tried to make an effort to speak to me.

          One night there was a storm, the wind was blowing and the trees seem to dance as if the wind was music. I watched through the window as a firefly try to escape the pull of the wind, by trying to fly towards the tree. For what they thought was safety, only to be blown away by the strong winds. But that was only the beginning. It started to pour rain and thunder and lighting. There was no way that poor little firefly survived. It all happened so quickly as well, if I wasn't watching closely, I would have missed it. What I'm saying is I'm the firefly and Chance was the tree. Fate was the wind. The storm after was the pain and sorrow I had felt for those many months. All in all, I felt as if I wouldn't survive, that I would drown before I could reach the surface.

         I've also notice that I miss the way Kate's eyes sparkle whenever she's happy. The way her eyebrows and nose spoke her emotions. I miss watching a video and pausing it to get into a deep conversation about it, before resuming. I miss the way she cuddled up next to me in her sleep. The way she put her face in my neck and mumbled unidentifiable soft words, before burying deeper into my side. I miss watching her set up the movie or arguing about the type of movie. I miss her absentmindedly messing with my hair, or hands or gently caressing my face. I miss when she'd turn my head to hold my face just for her to give a giant smile before going back to whatever she was doing. I sound like a lovesick puppy singing the blues of lost lovers. But I'm not. Just simply missing the little things. I miss the way she mouthed the words as she typed. I just miss her. I'm going to see her again. I haven't lost her and I don't plan on it either.

      When getting away I just wanted to get away from the world altogether so no one could throw anything in my face. But, I'm glad I get to get away. It helps me notice all the small things that are taken for granted. Noticing them- It makes my heart happy.

The little things,

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