Tree Bros Oneshots For Forever!

History of Wrong Guys

Requested by multiple people, you know who you are.

Based off the song below. And warning: it's incredibly shitty (my writing, not the song).

Connor slumped down at a random cafeteria table, picking at the food on his lunch tray in distress.

"Why so glum, son?" Jared plopped down next to him, fixing his shirt.

"I just ran into Evan and completely embarrassed myself and now I..." Connor sighed loudly, trying not to replay the moment in his head.

"Aw, does someone have a crush?" Jared mocked, raising his eyebrows.

Connor eyes grew wide and he felt his face heat up. "What?"

"I think you do," Jared leaned back, crossing his arms knowingly.

Connor ran his hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down. "I can't, Jared! I can't, I don't I—"

Jared shrugged. "Why not? I mean, humans have been making bad choices since the dawn of the dinosaurs..."

"But we weren't alive during the fucking dinosaurs," Connor corrected him.

"Shut up, smart ass, and let me speak," Jared glared at him and Connor rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I mean, he's not even in your league. He's so far, he's in outer space."

"But he's kinda cute," Connor smiled, resting his head in his hands. "I mean, when he's not so shy."

Jared scooted uncomfortably away from the lovestruck boy. "Uh-oh." There was an awkward silence between the two where Connor stared off into space and Jared just stared at him questioningly, and Jared put a hand on his shoulder. "But dude, remember the last guy? And the guy before that? And the guy before that?"

"Fine I get it, we've been here before," Connor rolled his eyes. "But maybe I've come back for more?"

"But he's just so...meh," Jared said.

"He's changing into something I just can't ignore," Connor sighed dramatically.

"It's just like last time dude," Jared said. "You fall in love, but they don't. The history of wrong guys I mean..."

Just then Evan walked into the cafeteria and up to another girl Connor thought he recognized. They talked for a moment, before the girl took Evan's hands in hers, and they smiled affectionately at each other.

"Is that...Zoe? With Evan?" Connor's eyes bugged out, his face turning pale.

Jared just laughed maniacally. "Now that is rough."

Connor sighed again, willing himself to look away from the two. "Why are they only nice when they're unavailable?"

"Hey, hey, you don't want to be star-crossed lovers, right?" Jared raised an eyebrow. "I mean, unless you want to die. Which I wouldn't mind actually..."

"I'm better off without him anyway, we're better off as friends," Connor reassured himself, then turned his head to look at Evan again, and his heart fluttered. "Never mind," he sighed.

"Uh-oh," Jared rolled his eyes, and snapped his fingers in front of Connor's face to pull him out of his trance. "Connor, honestly. You've been betrayed multiple times before."

Connor nodded agreeing. "But he's different. I can feel it. He won't be like the other ones."

"But he's a bum, and he's not even remotely into you, he's a sleaze, he loves the girl next door pretty much, I mean are you even sure he plays for your team?" Jared rambled. "And he's so immature, and makes you so unsure, I'm pretty sure he loves his mother more than you..."

"...or he has a girlfriend," Connor added. "Who just so happens to be my..." his sentence was interrupted by a large shadow that consumed the lunch table.

Connor slowly lifted his head up to look at the boy looming over him. "Uh...hi," Evan raised his hand slightly to wave meekly at Connor.

"Hey," Connor smiled awkwardly. Jared got up, and started to walk away, leaving the two alone to talk.

Evan looked down at his feet bashfully. "I saw you looking at me before. When I was with Zoe."

"Trust me, I couldn't care less if you wanted to date my sister, although I don't know what you see in her," Connor shrugged.

"No, actually that's not why I was talking to her," Evan's hands moved to play with the hem of his shirt self-consciously. "She was telling me..."

"Oh my god, are you going to ask me out?" Connor was genuinely surprised that Evan would have the courage to actually do this. Or that Evan actually liked him.

"Um...?" Evan smiled awkwardly.

"Evan, honestly, I know where this is going to go. I've been hurt like this before," Connor sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Evan nodded. "I know I know you've had previous boyfriends and if you don't want to go out that's perfectly fine, but I'm just putting the idea out there for you to think..."

"Yes."

"What?"

"Yes, I'll go out with you," Connor cracked a small smile, and he could see Evan physically sigh in relief, his shoulders sagging.

"Oh great, thanks," Evan grins at him before running back to Zoe to tell her the news.

Sorry about the long wait, I'm a procrastinator.

Little fetus Ben in the Sound Of Music. My heart's melting.

I kinda want to do another chapter like this with a song from 'Mean Girls', but I don't know which one yet. Oh, well.

If y'all have any other ideas, I'm more than willing to take them.