In your Arms

Chapter Twenty One

It was already late in the evening when Alexander agreed to Uno that they should stop looking for her. They've searched half of the city and there's no sign of Jordin, not even a single clue of where she is. He had told his friend he could continue the search on his own but Uno disregarded the idea.

"I'll help you find her tomorrow. For now we have to rest, the city's too big, she might be in some place where we haven't looked yet. Let's just hope she's okay." Uno advised him before he dropped him off in front of the condominium building. Alexander couldn't do anything and so he just went inside and into his brother's unit.

He sat on the couch looking weary, he hasn't eaten a heavy meal since this morning and he's not planning to have one now. Alexander doesn't want to do anything except to find her, that's the only thing that troubles him, not his hunger, not his exhausted body. He lit a cigarette and smoked until he felt his nerves relaxed a bit. He was staring at the ceiling remembering the fight they had early this morning and closed his eyes. The look of Jordin's crying face is disturbingly rattling his conscience and kept on stirring his emotions most especially his guilt.

Alexander is terribly worried that she had ran away for good and is alone out on the streets. He doesn't know her history, doesn't know how did she ended up with Simon, or if she even has a family. He's only certain about one thing, that if anything happens to her, it would be definitely his fault. And if his brother finds out, he'll be dealing with his rage again this time. Well, he's not worried about Simon's anger, he's mostly scared of the thought that something bad may really happen to her.

He stood up and paced in the living room, he had to think of something. "There must be something. Something that could give me an idea of her whereabouts." he muttered with creased eyebrows. He stopped when he thought of something and looked at her bedroom door. Alexander stepped towards it looking hesitant if he should enter or not.

What if she finds out that you entered her room without her knowing? Entered her private space? She'll hate you for the rest of her life! He heard a voice say to him inside his head.

But you won't be able to track her if you won't try to find a clue about where she could be and you can find it inside. Go ahead, open the door.. Another voice told him. It's like there's an angel and a devil whispering on each of his ears and therefore confusing his thoughts. He had reached to open the door.

You've done enough to her already! Keep off from her private belongings! She wouldn't like what you're going to do! Alexander pulled his hand away from the door knob.

For every second you waste something bad might happen to her and it will be your fault. Go inside and find something that could give you an idea where to find her.. His hands move slowly back to the door handle.

You are so stubborn! You want to face her wrath again huh?! Why can't you just step away and leave her stuff alone and untouched! That way it might lessen her hatred towards you! Alexander was startled and pulled his hand away again.

"Aaaarrrggghhh this is crazy!" He ruffled his hair in annoyance and decided to just open the door and barge in.

A hint of vanilla scent wafted through his nose as he entered her room. His eyes traveled from the walls to her dresser and to her bed. It was all plain, except for the top of the dresser. It's as if the room itself is telling him he cannot find anything here about her.

Alexander walked slowly towards it and looked at some of her belongings on top. There's the ballerina figurine in a pirouette which he saw her holding the first time they've met, it made him smile as he remembered the awry face she had when she saw him. He thought it was cute. He also touched some of her accessories, it seemed like she's a rock star chic based on her studded bracelets and earrings. Her clothes and her shoes clearly say so as well.

As he marveled her stuff and rummaged on it one by one, an object caught his attention as he was flipping on her clothes inside the cabinet and felt for it. It made his eyes furrow, it was hidden under her stacked clothes. He reached for it and held it in his hands. There it was, a picture frame with Jordin in it, and a guy sitting beside her with arms over her shoulders. They were smiling happily in the picture. The guy looked a little older to her but is charming, with doe eyes like hers, a pointed nose, and a boyish smile. He then realized both of them looked somewhat alike.

"Maybe this is her older brother.." Alexander muttered. Then he looked intently on the picture. He noticed it was taken from Paris. "What is she doing in Paris? Does it mean she had actually been there?" He asked with creased eyebrows. Alexander looked at the picture for a moment and returned it to it's hiding place trying not to look it was touched or seen. He stopped rummaging from the cabinet and sat on her bed. He was so tired and decided to lie for awhile remembering to remove his shoes before doing so.

Alexander looked at the ceiling and took notice that there were luminous shapes of stars on top. It's like he's star gazing only he was just indoors. He felt for the sheets and her pillows and once again he touched something underneath them. He sat upright and pulled what seemed like a sketch book and opened it to see what's inside. There were drawings of sceneries and flowers and almost everything, but mostly, it was all Simon's face in it.

Alexander's face looked at her drawings of Simon thoughtfully. It looked like they had been together long enough for her to draw him doing just about anything. It made his chest tighten a bit. The same feeling he felt the moment he saw her painting.

"What is wrong with me?" He uttered in confusion and just closed the book and returned it under the pillows. He decided to just come out of her room and back into the living room. He lit another cigarette, inhaled deeply and breathed it's smoke. Something's really wrong with him that he couldn't quite distinguish even to himself.

You're starting to like her.. There's that voice again. Alexander shook his head. "No it's not possible." he answered.

Oh but you do, you're just blind to the truth of what you feel..

"No I can't! It's Simon she likes and not me! I couldn't like someone who doesn't want me!" He angrily stood up and shouted. The voice had gone and he sat back on the couch. He had his head propped in both of his hands and his fingers gripped his hair as he whispered, "It's always Simon and not me.."