twist of time (18+)

twenty-sick

For hours, it was only white ceiling.

It was only grey carpet.

It was only several unimportant articles in an unimportant room.

My room, with my unimportant, unworthy me.

I am so angry, but whom should I angry to? It was all me.

I am so stressed, but who could I blame? It was all me.

I was the one who made love with Lana's crush and her beloved brother behind her back.

I was the one who made love with Britney's boyfriend behind her back.

I was the one who stabbed all my best friend in the back.

It was all me.

And, honestly, I didn't even know how many people I cheated with, I didn't even remember that. I didn't even remember I ever slept with anyone before Blake and Alec, except... yeah except one time when someone ...

I scratched my hand to forget.

I just...

A whore...

Unworthy slut...

He is right...

They are right.

I just ....

I just a bad bitch that get in everyone way.

I just ...better gone.

Forever.

Something singed my eye corner. Sniffed, I closed my eyes and bit my lips. 

Slipping under me, two strong hands circling my body and pulled me closer to a warm and wide shoulder.

"Shh.. Babe, it's alright, you are safe now. Nothing will hurt you. I saved you, and I will save you again" Blake put his head to my head.

"You should've left me there," I whispered.

"Of course not, you bleed soo much!"

"You should've!"

"No, you'll die Babe." He hugged me tighter.

"Isn't that the best for everyone?" I sniffed.

"The...what? What did you say?" He frowned.

"It's the best for everyone," I whispered.

"Why?"

"Cos..."

"Because...?"

I sighed. "I'm just, nothing"

"No of course not"

"I  am. It will be the best if I just gone forever"

"No Babe..."

"It will be the best. I'm just a slut that makes everyone life miserable."

"No, you are not." He stroked my head.

"I am. I ruined Lana's life, I ruined Britney's life, and I don't know how many else out there." I choked.

"You didn't ruin anyone lives. Believe me" He turned me around and wiped my tears.

"How should I believe in you? it's all me, and I even couldn't believe myself anymore!" I closed my face with my palms, dizzy with so many possible problems.

"I do. I believe in you, Babe. More and more each day."

I smiled bitterly. "You close with my  other self, not me"

"No. I called you, remember? I didn't call the Princess nor the kinky self. I called you." He stared at me intensely.

"Why?"

"Cos I don't want you to die. You, and not the other selves."

He stroked my head and embraced me.

"I want you to live. You mean something to me. You are." He said.

Somehow it warmed my heart, I closed my mouth, choked with tears.

"No, you can't, I have so many problems. I.. I..." I turned around and buried my face inside a pillow, crying.

He hugged me from behind. "Hey, shh it's alright. We'll solve this together, bit by bit me, you and Alec." He dragged me to his arm.

"And no more crying to the pillow when I'm here."