twist of time (18+)

Thirty-one

Blake scratched his head, confused, his pants were on while  MF wrapped in his long jacket, rolled like a baby in her favorite beanbag, poured all her tears, sometimes gasped in pain and sometimes sobbing uncontrollably.  After a few uncomfortable moments, he squatted in front of her, took her hand and sighed.

"Look, I know you are not the Princess or May, what do you want me to call you?" He boldly asked.

For a few minutes, there were no answers except for sobs and gasps. But then she lifted up her face, and at that moment, Blake realized the difference. She seemed smaller, a bit younger than May somehow.

"Fairy"

Blake nodded, didn't even want to question the odd name.

"Fairy, can I hold you? So you feel a bit better. But no more sex. Promise?"

She nodded and sniffed. But Blake lifted her up and sat her in his laps, and hugged her while his hand stroked her hair.

"Look, this felt better right? Better than if you forced yourself to do sex right?"

She nodded.

For a few long moments, Fairy just put her head in Blake's shoulder and closed her eyes, while her sobs, ceased to a sniff, and then after a while reduced into a long deep breath and sigh.

After a few moments of silence, Blake smiled.

"Fairy, I know you. You go on a date with me, didn't you? You love chocolate right?"

Fairy nodded.

"The darker the better, that was what you said, right?"

Fairy nodded again.

Blake continued to stroke her hair and continued. "You know, I wondered somehow, cos I always see you cry while masturbating or doing sex. Why is that? Can you tell me?"

Fairy sniffled. "Cos it hurts" She sobbed. "It's really hurt"

Blake hugged her and kissed her head.

"You know what?" He whispered as he stroked her hair. "That cos you force yourself. It is painful when it forced. Very painful, right?" He looked down to see her face.

Fairy nodded. "Yeah it is"

"You know it?" Blake surprised.

"Yeah, I know. I know it all along"

"Why did you do it then?" Blake put his chin on her head.

"Because I deserved it" Fairy sniffed, her tears rained down. "I deserved it. I deserve every pain, every sin, every drop of blood, everything. I am a bad gurl." She hiccuped and sobbed uncontrollably.

"No you don't, no one deserved that." Blake closed his eyes and hugged her tighter.

"I do... I deserved that"

"No, no you don't"

"I so guilty"

"For?"

"I don't know. So many things. I broke friendships, I made people cheat. I so guilty. Very very very guilty"

"Why don't you stop then?"

"I can't"

"Why?"

"It felt better punishing myself"

"Why sex?"

"I feel electrocuted, drunk, high by doing that. It drowned my guilt, it felt like it, it felt right. It makes me forget. And I always need that, my urge, it's rising so high, I don't understand myself. It just did."

Blake frowned.

"Forget? What do you all want to forget?"

For a while, Fairy fell silent. "I don't want to remember," She said at last.

"Oh okay," Blake sighed. "Tell me when you ready ok?"

Fairy nodded, but then her breathing paced and she traced his chest.

"NO, I said not now" Blake took her hand and put it in place. "If you answered all my question, then we will have sex, slowly, and not forcibly, is that ok with you?"

Fairy nodded again. "Yeah it is okay with me"

"Good. Now, why do you always need that?"

"I don't know. I really struggle to control the urge to do that, but I can't" Fairy's eyes glistened with tears. "I don't want to do it, but I need to, I just have to"

"No, you don't have to. It is your choice"

"You don't understand. I could masturbate for hours, and then I hunt for men, going to date, or karaoke just to get them. I just can't stop it. It felt good to have them look at me, seduced, want me so bad until they begged for me and fucked me. It felt like I am in control, I hunt for them, and not the way around." She talked while sobbing in between.

Blake sighed and raked his hair.

She looked down, and between sniffles, she talked again. "It just May always hated me afterward, hate herself, hate everyone, and Princess took control. She raged and destroyed everything. I am so scared but I hate myself too.  But I couldn't stand it, I just need men, need sex. It is nothing to do with love, or like, or face I could even fuck a homeless, but handsome men so easy to get, so I use them. "

Blake cursed silently in his mind, blood rising to his head but he tried to stay calm.

"Do you enjoy that sex?"

"No, I rarely do"

"Why then"

"It's compulsory, like hunger. I just. I want to understand. I just need it. I can't explain. I don't want it, but I couldn't think, I just need it." She cried. "I hate myself for needing it, I do. But I don't really want it, yet I just do it, cos my body need it, and I couldn't do anything else."

Blake hugged her again. He took a deep breath. For a while it was silent.

"How old are you?" Somehow this question popped up.

"Sixteen"

Blake frowned. But he dismissed the strange thought about the age gap between May and this personality altogether.

"Boy do we need help or what" He sighed.