I laugh.
"Talk, you want to talk. We do that on a normal level as acquaintances." He sighs.
"Mel you know what I'm talking about, I want to talk about us, this hate you have for me." I close my eyes and count to ten.
"Cameron look, there is no us to talk about, secondly yeah, it's hate and that's how it will stay." Cameron frowns and step towards me. His dark eyes pleading.
"Mel, please, just hear me out." I shake my head and stare him in the eyes.
"No you hear me out, you just left me there, Cameron, you were completely selfish and not understanding. You lied to me." he closes his eyes.
"And I know, I'm sorry, I was not prepared, It was something I wasn't ready for." I glare at him.
"Cameron, you took the only chance I could probably ever have a kid. The doctor told me I'd probably never get pregnant again. You were a lot more than just not ready and not prepared. I wasn't either. Do you know how I felt when you looked me dead in the eyes, disgust on your face, telling me to abort it."
Cameron's face softens and his eyes stay closed, a tear falls down his cheek, he opens his eyes, they are glassed over, tears threatening to spill.
"don't you think I regretted that every day, to know that I had told you that. Each day, each night, every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was your face. The way the color just drained, all life lost your eyes, you looked as if you'd seen a ghost. Melanie, I wasn't me, Can't you see I've grown up as a person, I'm not that same guy." I shake my head my eyes stinging with tears.
"Cameron, no matter how much you mature and grow up, I will still see that guy in the airport, who didn't flinch when I told him goodbye, when I said I was never going back, he held the door open for me. You practically packed my suitcase for me. I don't care how much you grow up."
"I don't think you truly understand the depth of my regret. I told you to kill a baby, not just any. Our child. I could've been a father, and I ruined that. I was scared. I was speaking the words of a scared man, I had no idea what to do or say. My career was taking off and a baby wasn't something that my mind said would help me get bigger in that industry."
"Was it really worth it? Losing me and that child? For your career, losing the two most important people in your life at that moment." Cameron shrugs.
"Look at us now."
"Yeah would we be here, what if we had kept that child, we'd probably be living in a nice house with a dog and our child, we'd be married. What if I had stayed with you? Would you still be famous? Look cam I'd love to stay and play the guessing game with you, but I am too tired for this shit." I start to turn but Cameron gently grabs my arm turning me back around.
"Please, all I'm asking is for your forgiveness. I will never be able to take back what I did and said. If I could go back, I would, truly. I see now that that was the biggest mistake and my life, and it haunts me to this day." I stop for a minute and think about his words
"Wait... haunts you, do you still have those nightmares?" I ask and Cameron backs away he looks to the ground and I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it, well to bad.
"Cameron?" He lets out a long exhale and looks up at me.
"yeah I do okay, and the minute you left, and weren't there in bed at night, they got worse. Each night it's different, just with the same situation." I'm afraid to ask the situation, but since we are all laying our cards out on the table I ask.
"What happens." he bites on his lip and avoids my eyes.
"it's always you, and this little girl with long wavy brown hair. You two are always out somewhere, a park a store, and it always ends bad. Melanie, every time I close my eyes, all I see is this lifeless picture of you, your lips pale the color gone from your cheeks, and whats worse is the little girl is just the same, her smile is gone and her giggles silenced." His voice is hushed and I can see the pain going through him. Maybe after all this time, it's me who has been the selfish one. I never thought about what Cameron felt like after I left, how he was feeling, did he have remorse. Sure he said things, we've all said and done things.
"Everyone forgave carter so easily." I say in thought and Cameron looks at me confused. If I did forgive Cameron, nobody would really know, because nobody knows about the past. Carter and Jodie do, but they wouldn't really care. carter's words run through my mind.
"Cameron, truly, I've been the selfish one, I only thought about myself, I didn't even ask how you ever felt, I wasn't the understanding one. I didn't take into consideration, how you ever felt and I-"
"No, look, I understand exactly why you did what you did, and I think if you hadn't I wouldn't think of you the same. When you left me like that, it snapped me into placed, and showed me that you didn't need me. That you could make a life of your own, and that's exactly what you did. That day you met Taylor, I was there. I was about to walk up to you, but he got there first. So I backed away and let you be, and honestly I wish I hadn't backed off, l wish I would've gone up to you-" I cut Cameron off by wrapping my arms around him and pressing my lips to his.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fuck.......
*explosion*
That was my brain, unable to process what I just wrote, uhm wow okay.... I don't think this is going to be a long book, I give it 30 chapters, this is chapter 23 I think idk, but uhm wow mel okay.
