Learning to trust: My journal

Through Christ...

 October 4

  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. This is such a good reminder. It reminds me that I can't do anything on  my own, which I try to so often. I try to use all my strength to just control my anxiety. So far it hasn't worked. So why do I try to do it on my own? Well it might have to do with the fact that I am a bit of a control freak. I can't handle chaos. there has to be some sort of order cause I have seen many situations that could be resolved with just a bit of order. The problem is that my thoughts are the one thing that don't agree with this concept of order and peace. They like to spin and spin in my head and make my peace into chaos. They torment me day and night. So it's natural for me to want to take them and try to control them. The thing is that I really should give them to God and let Him control them 

 While I was writing this journal entry I was listening to the song  "Control (Somehow You Want Me) by Tenth Avenue North. It talks about giving God control. He wants you with all your quirks and problems, cuz He can hold it all when you can't. This is such a good reminder and a really good song. I highly recommend that everyone who is dealing with something hard listen to this song!

 For the first time this week, I haven't been having significant amounts of anxiety today! I wish I could feel like this everyday, but I know that sooner or later anxiety will creep in and steal the peace I have right now. I wish I could be working at camp again cause that was the place where everything seemed to go ok. Although I did deal with a significant amount of anxiety there because camp can be stressful, I also had a bunch of people to come around me and support me. I also could talk to some of my mentors, who I can still text but I can't see them for a long time. Face to face conversations are so much better and then your mom also can't go back and see everything you talked about. I have this problem because my mom can look at my messages whenever she wants. It kind of sucks sometimes because then I can't always tell them stuff that I don't really want my mom knowing. The struggles of the teenage life, huh.

 If you guys want to hear more about my crazy summer and other things about my life, check out my book "Who you say I am". It's my testimony of what God has all done in my life.

 -Emmers