Learning to trust: My journal

Many anxious days

 October 15, 2018

 Hey guys. I'm sorry for not writing last week, I had a short week at school which is the only time I get to write on here and I couldn't think of anything to write when I did have time last week. 

 This weekend was not a good weekend for me. I was dealing with almost constant anxiety and  felt really low and purposeless. So as it usually happens, I sat in my room a lot of the weekend and thought and cried. Crying is often the way I get the anxiety out even though it almost always makes me feel really tired. Yesterday I was taking out my stitches and I just could not stop crying. This just made this task so much harder to do. I thought it would be easy and painless but I guess I was wrong. I got so anxious about it and worked up that when my dad tried to take them out I was so tense that he couldn't get it to work. I then decided that I was going to do it. I thought it would be better than having someone else do it. That  way I new when to stop pulling or when it hurt to bad. So I sat there and figured out a way to cut these tiny little strings off all the while crying form anxiety and a bit of pain (mostly anxiety). After I finally got them out I felt so tired from crying so hard. I hadn't had such a bad anxiety attack in a while and forgot what the side effects where like. It was not fun. It tool me the rest of the afternoon to get out of the tired feeling. 

 Most of my weekend was spent doing a lot of chores and sitting around bored. It was kind of boring. I guess that's why my anxiety was so bad. When I'm doing stuff and keeping busy, I don't really have time to worry or feel anxious. The time that I felt good about life and everything was when I was preparing for a bible study I'm leading at my youth in December. When I was focused on God and the study I was doing, there was no room for the anxiety to come in and steal my joy and peace. Also when I was at church yesterday, I was talking to my new best friend and we had a really good conversation about how we deal with our anxiety and stuff like that. I felt very at peace when I was with her and at church around other Christians, just fellowshipping and worshipping God together. I wish it was church everyday!

 How do you deal with rough days where you feel low? Do you go to God and try to focus on him or just try to deal with it on your own? If you have some helpful hints you'd like to share just write a comment below! I would love to hear what kind of things you guys do to get through hard stuff!

 -Emmers