December 14, 2018
Sorry for not writing in a while. These past three or so weeks have been hard. My pastors wife died about two weeks ago and it hit me really hard. I didn't really expect that she was going to go so soon. I thought she would be here for a lot longer. I really wish she didn't have to die. She was so encouraging to me and an amazing role model. Even though I never really talked to her, I still admired her strength and amazing trust she had in God. She had her doubts and worries but she always kept her faith. Right till the end, she trusted that God's plan was the best.
How I wish I could be so strong and trusting, even when faced with death. I want to be able to do that but my anxiety likes to make that difficult. I worry about the weirdest things, like what if my mom or dad would get in a car crash and die or what if I get seriously sick and have to go to the hospital? My mind likes to put these in my head when I least expect it and make me feel like I'm going to totally freak out.
I actually don't know why I freak out about things like this. God calls us to give all of our worries to him and trust him that he's got everything under control even when it doesn't seem like it. For some reason my brain understands what that means but never actually knows how to do it. I have the head knowledge of what it is but the action is a whole other story.
I struggle quite a bit with this but God and many other people help me through. Just like my pastors wife, I too can trust that God has it all under control and his timing is perfect.
-Emmers
YOU ARE READING
Learning to trust: My journal
SpiritualThis is my journal of my life with anxiety, to give those of you who don't know what it feels like a glimpse of how it feels. I will also be giving some encouragement on certain topics that I'm learning about or experiencing. Hope you like it!
