Learning to trust: My journal

Anxiety update

 Feb. 26 2019

 Hi everyone. I finally can update this! I thought it would be a good idea to write a bit about how I'm doing with this whole battle with anxiety. In the past month or so I've been making huge changes to how I react in situations. I started small with changing my attitude. I was very negative for a long time (this is probably why it took me forever to control my anxiety). Every hard situation I went through would automatically call for my reaction and I decided to choose the negative. Then at the beginning of January my mom confronted me about this. I didn't even realize I was doing it. So since then, I've been working on seeing the positives instead of the negatives. 

 Another thing I've been doing is reading my bible and praying everyday. I actually enjoy doing this now. It's not a chore anymore! I don't feel far away from God anymore and my anxiety doesn't control me because my relationship with God is so much stronger. My anxiety doesn't control me, I control it. This is the best feeling ever. I do have anxious moments or days but not like I used to. It's still there and if I stop looking to God, it will come back. I just pray that I can continue to draw close to God everyday. 

 The next step in this is showing my parents just how much I've grown and changed. My parents are not sure whether I can handle working 6 weeks at camp this summer because of what happened last summer. I pray that God would show my parents how I've grown this year. I want to show that I'm not the same and I really can handle this. I want to try because if I don't I'll never know if I could do it. 

 One way I want to show my parents is through getting baptised. My church is doing baptism classes this spring and I think I'm going to do them. This will be a good opportunity to give my testimony of how I've changed and to prove to my parents I can do this. I'm also going to be sixteen on Friday (I'M SUPER EXCITED!!!!!) and I think this a good age to start making these kids of decisions for myself. I also want to take this step to make my faith even more my own. 

 This has been my new life for the past month or so. If anyone deals with anxiety, depression or anything, PM me and we can talk. I can pray for you as well. If you just need to talk, I'm cool with that too.

 -Emmers