Learning to trust: My journal

Where are you God?

 January 8, 2019

 Hi all. I know it's a bit late but Happy New Year! So my new year has been filled with many get togethers and seeing people that I haven't seen in quite a while. In the midst of being with people and all the fun, I felt completely alone and worthless. At first I just thought I was needing to have some time by myself and chill, but after a while I realized that it was more than that. I then realized what was missing. I felt like God had abandoned me. I felt miles away and like I couldn't figure out which way was where God was. I felt lonely. I asked God many times "Where are you? Why did you leave me?". I was confused and annoyed with how I was feeling. I finally emailed my mentor and asked her what I should do. She emailed me back today and said, "The first thing I want to remind you of is that if you are a Christian, God is ALWAYS with you, regardless of if you're feeling close or not. Second, how do we build relationships and get close to people? Spend time with them, talk to them, LISTEN to them. Spend time reading your Bible every day, especially if you don't feel like it. You can read wherever, but I encourage you to include Psalms. The author(s) went through some hard stuff, and these psalms are very open in their prayers about when they feel alone, joyful, etc.". This was very encouraging and helpful. 

 So really, God wasn't the one that was lost, I was. I was the one not making an effort to be with my Heavenly Father. I was neglecting my time with him and only going to him a few times a week. I was the who created this feeling. God was just waiting with open arms to take me in and hold me close. He was calling for me, I just wasn't always listening. If any of you have felt like this, I encourage you to read your bible and tell God how you feel. You will become closer to God and find such amazing peace and joy when you are creating that stronger friendship with him. It will be hard at first, promise you that, but it's the best thing you could ever do in your Christian walk. 

 -Emmers