Learning to trust: My journal

More heart ache

 Tuesday October 22, 2019

 Hey y'all. So as the title explains, my life took another hit of hurt and sadness. So yesterday I came home from school and my mom told me that my best friends grandpa, who is also like an uncle to me, had a stroke. He was ok but he didn't have any feeling in one of his arms and still doesn't as far as I know. This broke my heart. I tried so hard to keep it together but the tears just came out. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. I didn't want to believe I was getting hit with yet another blow of hurt and sadness. That's when I wished that all this hurt could take a break already. I just lost my choir teacher about a month ago and now someone else I love is having medical problems too. 

 Really I am just so sick of crying and hurting. I'm sick of hearing bad news and feeling like my world is slowly falling apart, piece by piece. I wish that God would just make it stop for longer than a few months. I wish that I could go a year without any really hard things that make me feel like nothing is stable anymore. I wish that I could go back to the times when I didn't have all these problems, when I was a care free girl without worries and painful memories. 

 But the thing is if I went back to those times, I probably wouldn't have all these amazing people in my life, or have as much experience or wisdom as I do now. So in a way I am grateful for the hurt I've experienced and continue to experience. I sure don't like it and would really like it if God would give me a long break from it, but I can't tell God what to do, although I wish I could. I guess God's got some sort of plan that will be just awesome in the end, but for now I will have to deal with the heart ache and hurt. 

 -Emmers