Learning to trust: My journal

Self conscious

 Monday, December 9, 2019

 This weekend I had the privilege to perform at 2 Color concerts with my jazz choir. The Color is a Christian pop band that's pretty popular in my area so this was a huge honor! But through all the fun and craziness, I felt this overwhelming sense of "Am I good enough?" 

 In my jazz choir there are some very talented people and I'm very grateful to be singing with them, but I honestly feel like they take ALL the praise when it was really a group effort and the reason we even exist is because we are all apart of the group. It feels like most of us don't "measure up" to their standards and like no matter how hard we work, it's not good enough for them. This is absolutely draining for me because I strive to be an excellent singer and with these people setting such high standards and expectations I feel like I can never keep up.

 I know I shouldn't be basing my identity as a singer around what others say. I know that I'm defined by what God says but right now that's really hard. I know this isn't a very long post but this what I've been feeling like for the last couple days. Most people think I'm such a confident person but really I am a quite self conscious person. I just have different insecurities than most girls do. I don't care so much about what I look like but I care a lot about if I am good enough for a solo or if I can sing perfectly on pitch. Even though I don't have the insecurities that most girs do I still am insecure and self conscious.

 -Emmers