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Review by Sunshine: Wickedly Yours

Review by Sunshine: Wickedly Yours

Author: queen_of_sass

SPECIAL NOTE FROM REVIEWER:

- There will be spoilers in this review. I have tried to keep things ambiguous, but there were some very specific moments I wanted to refer to. 

Summary: 5/5

I think your summary is perfect. You already showcase a sophisticated and fluent style of writing, and you weave in the general plot, characters and setting seamlessly. I like the dramatic flair with the one-sentence paragraphs, and I genuinely felt my jaw drop when it came to the sentence about Blake courting the younger sister, Colette. How scandalous! And your final sentence was a fantastic way to tie everything together. Amazing work.

Grammar: 3.5/5

I'm assuming you know this, but there were quite a lot of errors scattered throughout those later, unedited chapters. But generally, I'm confident that you know your grammar and punctuation rules! There were never enough errors to break the fluency, and most of them seemed to be typos or Wattpad malfunctions. But there were definitely some things that need work, even in the edited chapters. I'll focus entirely on those edited chapters for now.

There were some clunky sentences happening. Let's take the following sentence, for example:

"This made the determination in Colette's eyes turn into cold, hard steel, and her face to scrunch like she had swallowed something sour."

The "this made" at the start of the sentence doesn't correlate with the "her face to scrunch up. Otherwise, it reads, "This made her face to scrunch up" – which doesn't really make sense. I would change it to:

"This made the determination in Colette's eyes turn into cold ,hard steel, and her face scrunched up like she had swallowed something sour." Or, another alternative: "This made the determination in Colette's eyes turn into cold ,hard steel, and forced her face to scrunch up like she had swallowed something sour."

There were a few clunky moments like that, so another thorough edit wouldn't hurt. Another thing to keep in mind of is over-repetition of words. Let's take a look at this sentence:

"Her cerulean eyes were bright and starry-eyed."

Lovely sentence, except the repetition of "eyes/eyed" made it awkward. Just change it to starry, and it gets the same image across.

And another note I made was to keep in mind punctuation within dialogue. If dialogue is followed by a verbal tag (such as "he said", "he murmured", "he ordered" or any other possible words that describe how the dialogue is said), the dialogue ends with a comma. If followed by anything else, it would be a period. So, for example, I found:

"Make sure you are not seen." Sophia ordered.

I'm pretty sure the "she ordered" is considered a verbal tag since that is how the dialogue is said. The words themselves are an order. So it should be:

"Make sure you are not seen," Sophia ordered.

But otherwise, great job! You definitely need to polish up those later chapters when you get the chance, but I think you already know that. 😊

Character Building: 5/5

Amazing. That's all I have to say.

But, then again, I don't think I'm allowed to do that so let me elaborate. The dialogue is excellent, very much in-character with the characters you have developed, and ohhh my god, the banter between Blake and Sophia is so freaking cute! Your characters all create very strong impressions – I found myself hating the Earl with a passion, found myself loving Alessandra with a passion, and found myself wanting to strangle and hug Colette at the same time. All your characters are wonderfully distinct.