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Review by Sunshine: The Stigmatised

Title: The Stigmatised

Author: space_walker__

Summary: 4.5/5

I think your summary is pretty great! It introduces the characters, explores a bit of their backstories (particularly Veera's, anyway), discusses the conflict and even hints at the stakes. Well done! I loved that it remained purposeful and fluent all the way to the end, so well done on that. I do wonder, though, when you discuss the stalker, WellWisher, whether you could give some examples of how they are trying to jeopardise Veera – that might emphasise the stakes of the situation more.

However, I do think you've pretty much got a fantastic summary! One quick note:

"Neel and Veera make it their mission to catch the stalker, as they realise that is the only way out, or else 'they' would not stop."

You accidentally changed tense in that sentence, as detailed below:

"Neel and Vera make it their mission..." [make = present tense]

"... or else 'they' would not stop." [would = past tense]

It should be:

"Neel and Veera make it their mission to catch the stalker, as they realise that is the only way out, or else 'they' will not stop." 

Grammar: 3.5/5

Overall, I was pretty impressed by how polished your grammar and punctuation were. However, there were a few slips I caught. Let's discuss them, shall we?

First of all, tense. As I mentioned in the summary section, it seems that you have a tendency to fluctuate from present tense to paste tense – even when those changes aren't necessary. For example, in one sentence you wrote:

"All he needed was to get her to talk..." [needed = past tense]

But in the very next sentence, you wrote:

"That means he will definitely get a raise." [will = present tense]

You need to choose one tense and stick to it. Additionally, whenever there is a question – regardless of whether it is dialogue or not – there must always be a question mark at the end. For example:

"What do you think about non-working women," a young female reporter asked.

That above example is incorrect. It should be:

"What do you think about non-working women?" a young female reporter asked.

And, finally, commas. Whenever you include a comma in your writing, I encourage you to read the sentence aloud and see that it makes sense with the pause that the comma represents. For example:

"The lump in her throat, prevented her from speaking."

That sounds a little clunky, and that's because the comma is completely unnecessary. It should be:

"The lump in her throat prevented her from speaking." 

Character Building: 4.5/5

Right from the get-go, I loved Veera. I loved hearing her thoughts on feminism, and how her views were progressive but also, the way she presented them was quite bold with the whole, 'why do dicks and vaginas have to interfere' – I genuinely laughed at that. I really did sympathise with her when it came to the cruelty of the media, and I adored her passion. From her feistiness to her hot-headedness, I think she was a great character with flaws but a lot of heart. I also loved the way her past unravelled towards the last few chapters, where she unleashed everything about how her parents died when she was young, how she had to rely on her brother. My heart broke for her and, yet, it also explained so much about her character. Well done!

Additionally, Neel was such a great contrast to her! He was a bit goofy, doing happy dances (and accidentally stubbing his toe!). I felt his regret when he begged his boss to not present the file he sent, and I also like how he developed to learn more about the media around him. I admired his moment of badassery when he got the phone from the goons – it was unexpected, but a powerful moment.

I like how the two characters learn life lessons throughout the story, about both themselves, about how Veera pushes away the people around her, and about the media around them. The development was smooth and enjoyable. Well done!

Quick suggestion: there are times you go into telling a little more than showing, but more specifically, there are moments of redundancy in your writing. Let's look at the following example:

"It's the last thing I care about!" Veera was no someone to be shouted at without getting back any of it.

That's very much a telling moment, that bit of narrative after the dialogue. Don't tell us that about Veera – in fact, most readers have already probably worked that out anyways. It is redundant, as she literally just shouted back and someone.

Writing Style: 3/5

First of all, I was totally not expecting the action that was in your story. I loved the knife-fighting, I love how fast-paced the action was, I loved the mood that was depicted through the intense characterisation as Veera grappled with the dilemma she faced. Your action was wonderfully vivid and fast-paced, and I liked that you described the screams and sounds.

For me, the biggest drawback of your story was the lack of setting. I was so excited when I read that the story was set in Mumbai – I haven't been there often, and the best part about reading is that you get to go to new settings. But you hardly described it when Neel arrived, and that, for me, was such a shame because you have a beautiful and truly unique setting and I encourage you to use that to your advantage!

Also, again as mentioned above, you did some telling rather than showing. Even in things that seem almost insignificant. For example:

"He was a journalist for the newspaper."

It almost feels a bit less like prose in sentences like that. Try weaving it in – if you just make him think about his promotion, about his years being a journalist, the reader will be able to instantly understand his professional. Also, it makes me wonder, why didn't you just start the story at the press conference? That way, we can see Neel in action and can work out who he is and what he does. 

Plot + Uniqueness: 4/5

Overall, definitely a very unique story! It was so interesting to see all four husbands come into the story here and there, and the build-up of the stalkers was phenomenal. It led to an effective and heart-wrenching climax, where I genuinely feared for Neel and Veera's lives. Well done at keeping me on my toes!

I love the idea of society and the power it holds over people, and I like that you explored how words can be twisted and cropped out of context to create different stories with different meanings. Well done – keep up the great work! I look forward to hearing about how your story concludes.

Just remember: your setting is part of what makes your story unique. Use it. Take us there. Let us live and breathe the media, the flashing cameras, the abundance of people, and the culture. 

OVERALL SCORE: 19.5/25

Overall, an intriguing concept with a thrilling concept behind it. Just work on keeping to one tense, and you should be good to go! I hope this review helps.