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Review by Painite: En Garde

Title: En Garde

Author: SIColorsOfTheRainbow

Reviewer: awesomeSTG

Summary/Blurb: 4/5 

To be honest, I'm the type who gets attracted to a book especially when it's packed with pinches of humour. And that's why, in my opinion, your former blurb was better. But don't get me wrong though! I think your current blurb is also great, though quite basic and typical for a fantasy book with knights, monsters and magic. Personally, the stakes you placed at the end were pretty typical too—the good vs. ravaging evil and getting rid of it thing. 

Revealing the stakes in a summary/blurb is one of the main essentials so that the reader will be able to know what's on the line, but sometimes, you need to hold a few things back. Yes, this is subjective, and a lot of different elements to help contribute to a hooking summary or blurb, but I think what you need best is to end yours with a captivating, tempting line from the characters, or a thought-provoking query that will only be answered when one gets to the near-climax or ending. It's one of those common, yet still highly effective. What do you think? 

Description: 4/5

The way you wrote the description was pretty neat! 

Maybe it's just me being picky and looking for more extraneous details, but your balance of show and tell was tilting a little more to the "telling" side. The actions of Emily and Luna were merely told, and even if there were some parts with the bandits and stuff that's supposed to make us feel the tension, my mind was just imagining a scenery with Emily—without the emotions. I couldn't feel her fear or anger or anxiousness from the screen. 

I've also had this hazy feeling every time I read present tense actions. That's probably because most first person point of views are in past tense. But no biggie, everybody has their own writing style! 

You balanced Emily's narration, about what she thinks and does, without the excessive monologuing I often find in other first person stories. I seriously didn't notice this before when I was writing in first person, but now I knew that it's essential—it can bore readers out of their wits. 

That's why reading this was a breath of fresh air and an inspiration for me. Great job here!

Grammar: 3/5 

1. "Do you have any necrosomin?" She asks. 

2. "I'm Luna," She says.

Okay, stare intently the two sentences. We'll be tackling verbal tags, and I noticed that even though you ended Luna's statement in a comma, the 'She' was capitalized. This shouldn't be. Why? Because the verbal tag indicated that the sentence is not finished yet, hence the comma. The first statement is also the same, and the question mark doesn't change anything. Be careful though, I noticed some of your sentences end in a comma even though there's no verbal tag. 

3. "W..What?" I stammer.

Yeah, this is about the usage of ellipses. It should consist of three [...] periods, no more, no less. 

4. 'The sun is has risen above the horizon.'

I think this was on Chapter 2. I suggest you remove the 'is' here. Also, I think you're beginning to switch to past and present tense here, no? Risen is past, right?