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Review by Sunshine: Super Psycho Project

Title: Super Psycho Project

Author: MichelleManisha

Summary: 4/5

I actually think your summary is pretty great! It's very simplistic, but it introduces the reader to the context within the story, and it briefly introduces the main storyline – or, at least, what I think will contribute to the main storyline. I love how you ended it with a restatement of the title – that's an incredibly powerful way to end a summary. Great work.

I did, however, find a little grammatical error that needs fixing:

"... form a group of human test subjects with the intention of better understand this virus."

It should be:

"... form a group of human test subjects with the intention of better understanding this virus."

Otherwise, great work!

As for the models on your cover, I think I do know two of them! The girl towards the right looks like Miranda Kerr, and the boy second to the left looks like Drew Van Acker. Hope that helps! 

Grammar: 3.5/5

I was very pleased to find minimal errors. Your story is relatively polished, so well done! However, there are a few things I noted, and most of it had to do with punctuation and dialogue.

If dialogue is followed by a verbal tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"That won't happen." Alexa said.

This above example is incorrect. "Alexa said" is a verbal tag, so it should be:

"That won't happen," Alexa said.

Another example:

"Can't you see I was fucking with this suit?" She barked.

The above example is also incorrect, though it's a little bit tricky. Even though the question mark is there, it, technically, is not a new sentence. The dialogue tag should still be part of the sentence. So, it should be:

"Can't you see I was fucking with this suit?" she barked.

Another thing I noted was that you kept changing between writing 'the president' and 'the President'. For one, you need to keep is consistent all the way throughout your story. Secondly, because it is not being used as a proper noun, it should just be, 'the president'. There is no need to capitalise it. However, if you were using it as a noun, like 'President Obama' – then the word 'president' would need to be capitalised.

Character Building: 3.5/5

I think you've done a great job at making Alexa's character engaging for the reader. She is realistic, caring, stubborn, and determined – great traits, considering the somewhat dystopian setting! She's obviously quite clever, too, and it's quite interesting to see her demeanour almost shift whenever she's in front of R. Obviously, her attraction towards him has been handled well because of this character shift. Again, good work there!

I did find her and R's kiss quite sweet – it was such a huge contrast to the action beforehand. But, if I'm honest, it did feel rather quick. I think it was only in Chapter 10? 11? I don't think you really allowed the relationship to truly develop, so the moment of flourishing just didn't feel as impactful as I would have liked it to feel.

Speaking of R – what a badass! No doubt one of the toughest, most intense characters within the story. I think his exceptional abilities are quite fascinating to read, however, I encourage you to add just a touch bit more of realism to his character. He had a knife buried into his side, but he managed to pull it out and leap to his feet in seconds, bend backwards, move quickly, and stab someone. I know that he recovers quickly and all, but I think there should at least be pain in his eyes, or at least he should wince or grimace. Perfect characters can be incredibly detaching.

I like Sergio's little quips – he's very entertaining. Just keep in mind: you have quite a lot of characters, so, my suggestion for your future chapters is to keep them all distinct, and ensure that they all serve purpose to the story. 

Writing Style: 3/5

Towards the start of your story, you balanced description of clothing very well with the narrative. I loved the way you wove the clothing descriptions into the writing, rather than breaking away from the narrative. I also wondered whether you could do the same with the setting?

I found that there wasn't enough setting in your story. Setting can be so important – it can help reinforce or even create the mood. I'm getting science-fiction vibes, but I want to see this in the writing itself! Take me there – let me see, smell, and hell, let me taste the setting.

And while I loved the fast pace you employed when it came to action scenes, I think you could use the description to really make the reader visualise it more. Take us there – describe the smell of metal and blood, show us how the room seemed to turn colder whenever the characters were scared, show us the hollow and estranging setting they are in.

Also, try to avoid redundancy when it comes to your writing. Let's pinch the example I used above:

"That won't happen," Alexa said, refusing to back down.

The 'refusing to back down' is completely unnecessary – we can already see that she is refusing to back down through her dialogue. 

Plot + Uniqueness: 4.5/5

You know what I absolutely loved about this story? I loved that it showed the government's side of the scenario. Yes, there are quite a few books out there that deal with similar themes and moods, but usually, the 'government' just disappears. So, well done at introducing a new side to it all!

I also liked the world-building, and how the characters slowly learnt things along with the readers as the chapters progressed. The world-building itself was never too heavy, was easy to understand and grasp, and was told in an engaging, purposeful manner. Well done!

I wondered whether you could consider characterising this world-building more. For example, in that first chapter, we've already met Alexa, and she seems to be the third-person narrator of the second half of that chapter. So, when the narration then introduces the meteors, you used phrases such as, 'everyone was busy with their own lives' and 'everyone could feel the colossal vibration'.

Why don't you personalise this more, and let the readers get a closer glimpse at Alexa? Where was Alexa when all of this happened? What were her thoughts when the meteors struck? What could she feel? I think that will give her a more dynamic introduction to her character, as well as a more engaging world-building set-up. 

OVERALL SCORE: 18.5/25

Overall, an intriguing story with some wonderful world-building! Make sure you work on your dialogue and punctuation, and you should be good to go. I hope this review helps!