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Review by Claire: Beauty of an Assassin

Title: Beauty of an Assassin

Author: Evelyn_Myth

Reviewer: fantasy_panda2003

Summary: 3.5/5

Your summary was interesting, but it needs a bit of work. I thought it could use just a tiny bit more suspense. It seemed like you were just listing off details. Don't just glance over details, make sure the reader feels the mood of your summary as it sets the basis of whether or not they'll want to read your story. There were also a few punctuation errors and some problems with tenses that I will address in the next section. Overall, a great summary, just needs a bit of work.

Grammar: 2.5/5

You have quite a few punctuation errors and improper use of tenses/word choice. I will use your summary to provide examples of what should be fixed, both in your summary and in your story. So, for example, the first sentence of your summary reads:

Belle have one goal and that is to kill the Beast. 

This is an improper use of the word have. Since you are writing this sentence in present tense, the sentence needs to read:

Belle has one goal and that is to kill the Beast. 

I saw several other mistakes throughout your story similar to this that you may want to address. As for punctuation, you have a lot of fragmented sentences, such as the use of the following in your summary:

A true gentle lady. Kind and sweet. 

These are both dependent clauses, so they need to be used in one sentence with a comma, so that it reads:

 A true gentle lady, kind and sweet. 

[though, quick note from ray_of_sunshine9 - it's alright to use incomplete sentences every now and then! Published authors use it all the time, such as Sarah J Maas, to make their writing somewhat more cinematic. However, if you're going to use it, make sure it is clear and purposeful, otherwise readers may think it is grammatically incorrect.]

You also used the word confine when it should be confide. 

There are several mistakes like these ones in your story as well, I just thought I would use some examples from your story. I would suggest going back and editing some of these mistakes. Also, be sure to never start your sentences with And. [though, another quick note from ray_of_sunshine9 - it's alright to start sentences with 'and', as long as it is purposeful and effective in the situation!]

I found this really great editing website called ProWritingAid. It is a very useful editing site and you can copy and paste your chapters directly into the document editor and it will tell you the edits you need to make. It is an amazing website and it's a very useful tool for writers.

Character Building: 5/5

I love how you really bring out Belle's alternate personality in this story. She is not the usual kind and sweet Belle we see, but a fierce and action-oriented Belle. I also love how we really see this fierce personality grow throughout the story.

Writing Style: 4/5

Your improper use of tenses and choppy word choice makes your story a bit hard to read. Like I said in the grammar section, editing your chapters would make a huge difference. However, I like your story overall and I can tell it has the potential to be eye-catching and interesting to readers. It is unique and really puts a twist on the original Beauty and the Beast story. 

Plot + Uniqueness: 4/5

In my opinion, I feel that fairytale and princess story retellings are becoming a bit cliché. On the other hand, your story was a retelling that was very fun and interesting to read.

OVERALL SCORE: 19/25

I really hope this review wasn't too harsh on your story. The main thing that you need to address is your word choice, fixing your present and past tenses, and fixing punctuation and dialogue formatting errors. You can use the website I recommended, ProWritingAid, or you can take your story on over to the Ruby's Editing Store here on Treasure Community. They would be happy to help you edit your story! Overall, I loved your story and honestly, if it was sitting on a shelf in a store, I would pick it up and start reading it. Keep up the great work and I wish you the best of luck as you go through your journey through writing.