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Review by Nathan: Ghost

Title: Ghost

Author: Avalyn1584

Reviewer: NathanRound

Summary: 4/5

Initially, I was unsure on how to mark this. You seem to have strayed away from traditional summaries found here on Wattpad, which isn't a bad thing; in fact, I believe it suits your story very well. You tell us exactly what the story is about, provide some disclaimers (which I feel is necessary with sensitive topics like these), and you put forth a clear message to destroy the misconception that people have in this day and age. I don't have much else to say, as I believe your summary fits your story extremely well. But I will just point out some minor errors with your opening.

"some people say that boys can't be raped, 
well, I can tell you, they're wrong."

The opening needs a capital letter and the 'i' should also be capitalised. Furthermore, may I suggest splitting the two into separate sentence, I believe it'll flow better. I would like to make a second suggestion -one which you don't have to take of course- to emphasise just how wrong this misconception is. So, below I will provide an example of what this may look like, following the changes made that is. 

"Some people say that boys can't be raped. 
Well, I can assure you that they are wrong - very wrong."

In this example I have just tried to emphasise the point and make it that much stronger.

Writing Style: 4/5

Some good things happening here. I like the way you stray away from giving us the names of the individuals within this short story. The lack of information about the protagonist kind of symbolises how misunderstood these individuals are, that they are almost invisible to the world around them. And the fact that you refer to his assaulter as 'The Monster' truly dehumanises him which is great to see. I didn't grow awfully attached to the individual (I'll stray away from using his real name which you provided in your authors notes) but I feel that is just me. However, the events that occurred were truly dark, awful, and the way you described them in an almost cold fashion (not entirely sure if this was intentional or not) truly emphasised the reality of the situation.

I also adored how the title of each chapter formed a message, it's very creative.

Grammar: 3/5

For the most part, your grammar is fairly good. I couldn't find many grammatical errors in your work, and it can be read fairly smoothly as any mistakes generally go unnoticed. However, one thing I noticed is that 'I' never appears capitalised in your story. It's only a minor problem but I thought I'd just point that out for you. In fact, you don't seem to capitalise at all during your story.

I would also like to see certain parts split into the individual sentences. I feel that it'd just make your story flow that much better as well as making it look a little more professional. I will provide an example down below.

'i remember the terrible pain of what he was doing, 
the dread I felt as the monster I had trusted held me down, 
the disgust and heartbreak as he told me "quiet, it's not that bad," 
the way he laughed as he stole my innocence from me, 
as I asked him over and over again, panicked and sobbing, "why?'

I believe that making that last line into a sentence may help the flow of the story. I would think that you can emphasise that last line just a little bit more, here's my example. 

'I remember the terrible pain of what he was doing: 
the dread I felt as the monster I had trusted held me down, 
the disgust and heartbreak as he told me "quiet, it's not that bad," 
the way he laughed as he stole my innocence from me.
I begged him over and over again, panicked and sobbing, "why?'

Also, capitalise the 'E' when referring to the planet Earth, and capitalise the 'S' when referring to Satan.

How effectively the message was put forward: 5/5

You asked me to focus on this and so I shall. The message is amazing. I agree with everything you pondered on; more has to be done about situations like this. Your story is so blunt and realistic that it makes us readers question why these things happen to boys (and people in general) and nothing is said about it. All the research you've done truly shows how passionately you feel about this subject and I admire the amount of effort you have put into getting the truth out there. Well done!

Plot + Uniqueness: 4/5

I myself have not encountered a story like yours before. It is incredibly dark, realistic and terrifying. You didn't hold back on telling a deep and sensitive story; It's a great way of creating a broad message in order to spread awareness on this kind of subject. Well done!

OVERALL SCORE: 20/25