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Review by Sunshine: Stones and Cyanide

Title: Stones and Cyanide

Author: vxheba

Summary: 4.5/5

I decided to review this criterion based on the extended summary within your book. I have to commend you – you have a great summary! It has all the right things; it introduces the main characters, it gives a bit of context, and it even ties in a bit of philosophy. Great work! Personally, I wish we learnt more about what the stakes may be, and I wish the story ended with a bit more of a dramatic flair to draw me into the story even further. But otherwise, you've got a simple but sweet summary. Well done!

Grammar: 3/5

Your grammar isn't too bad! There weren't too many glaring issues within the story, and each chapter was easy to follow. Well done there! I do, however, think that grammar and punctuation could use some brushing.

First of all, there were a few issues with punctuation. There were moments where you missed out on a comma (which ultimately led a to a few run-on sentences), and there were also a few sentences with unnecessary commas. For example:

"She would have called, Henry, her stepfather..."

If you read that aloud, the comma after the word 'called' just doesn't make sense. It's an awkward pause that isn't necessary. It should be:

"She would have called Henry, her stepfather..."

Another issue was punctuation at the end of dialogue. If dialogue is followed by a verbal tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"She's going to kill me." He said.

The "he said" is a verbal tag, so it should be:

"She's going to kill me," he said. 

Character Building: 4/5

Despite your story being written in third person, your characterisation through the narration is simply fantastic. I love the way you include the characters' internal thoughts throughout the story, and I love that everything that happens in the chapters lead back to the protagonist and their situation.

It was also so interesting to see the three characters and their varying goals/motivations. All three are in different stages of 'motherhood' – one who just missed out due to an abortion, one who has just discovered that she is pregnant, and one who is now a mother. I also love the way you slowly seep the backstories of each character into the story, rather than info-dumping it all at once. I cannot wait to see the three characters' lives intertwine!

There were some clunky moments when it came to character building. For example:

"It was her high school friend, Maeve, who had urged and convinced her to apply when she was in dire need of a job. (Her father was on the verge of dying, and she knew his money couldn't support her for long.)

That, for one, is a lot of telling. And because it is in brackets, it sounds like a casual thing – but this sort of information is huge. Right now, it feels emotionless and almost like a little fun fact. I would suggest removing the brackets, and considering a more subtle way to include this information about Charlie. 

Writing Style: 3.5/5

Some great things happening here. I love the way you use repetition to emphasise the characters' primary thoughts. In general, your writing is very character-orientated, and you've done that very well. I like the occasional quips, and the writing itself is fluent and easy to follow.

I do wish you took time to describe the setting. For example, the café – what did it look like? What were the smells and sounds inside the café? These sorts of description can help the reader visualise the scene and also help ground them more.

Also, don't be afraid to use figurative language more! Metaphor, simile, personification – they add richness to the writing. So I encourage you to utilise them more. 

Plot + Uniqueness: 5/5

I LOVE the concept you have going in your story! I absolutely cannot wait for the three lives to intertwine, and I love the way you ended each chapter with a witness statement. I absolutely adored the way each statement was from another character mentioned in the chapter, and it was so interesting seeing how the witness recounts never did correlate with the actual events that occurred.

There were only really five chapters for me to read, so it's very hard for me to judge the plot. The murder hasn't officially occurred within the narration, the three characters haven't quite interacted yet, and the major conflict hasn't occurred. So it was very hard to judge this – all I can say is that I hope you manage to tie everything together well, because this is a great idea you have. 

OVERALL SCORE: 20/25

Overall, an extremely promising start to an intriguing story! Just make sure you work on your punctuation, and you'll be good to go! I hope this review helps.