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Review by Lone Wolf: Protecting His Mate

Title: Protecting His Mate

Author: ValerieMKiss

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 3.5/5

It's good, but there's tense shifts within all of the paragraphs, as well as a spelling error (would of should be would've as in would have). You started off in the past tense, then switched to present and did the same for Aylieah. Also, if you're trying to show how her name's pronounced, I suggest doing it in the story, like maybe someone mispronounces it and she corrects them. That kind of thing isn't usually in the summary. 

Grammar: 3.5/5

I think your grammar's okay, but my problem is with the sentence structure, which I'll talk about in the writing style. There's also the problem of tense shift everywhere, throughout each the chapters when you're describing things or persons, so be careful about that! I did see some spelling errors, but those can be easily fixed. Also, I'm unsure of why you've been bolding words, but I haven't seen that done usually in writing. Most of the time, writers use italics to emphasize a word or show a character's inner thoughts. Write out numbers, don't use the numerical form. You're also missing some apostrophes here and there when showing the possessive form of a noun. 

Character Building: 3.5/5

This is good...a little too good and lacking somewhat in other areas. You're describing things very well, but it's almost to a point that it's cliche. There's so much about their looks that it doesn't leave much to understand about the character's personalities. The interactions are cliche and don't reveal much, and most of the time, you're telling what they're doing, not showing. It was almost repetitive "Axel this, Ayliah that". 

Writing Style: 2/5

Bear with me (no pun intended!)...You've got tense shifts problems throughout every chapter and because I'm a little grammar crazy, I noticed it right away and it bothered me. It wasn't just here and there it was all over, within the same sentence, that kind of thing. There was also the problem of POV (point of view) shifts. You're talking in Ayliah's or Axel's POV and then it switches to Lilly's. How would they know what she was thinking? If you're switching between POVs, have a page breaker. Considering your chapters are short, it might not be a good idea to switch within one chapter, you may want to just have one chapter with Lily's POV in it. 

I also think some sentences are coming from the character's own head (like their thoughts) and that it should probably be set off with italics

Here was my biggest issue: your sentence structure doesn't have a lot of variety. At a glance, it might, but over time, I could pick up on patterns. Within the first chapter,

"Looking out at the land before him, he loved being secluded." 

"Surrounding the grass was tall trees all around, since he lived in the forest." 

You start with a verb or talk repetitively about the same thing. Here's how I would've written the first couple of paragraphs: 

As Axel took in a deep breath, cold air swept through his lungs and he slouched on the porch deck, in his bear form. The wood whined beneath him, but he didn't have to worry. He'd built it with his bare hands and knew it was capable of handling the weight of two fully grown bears. 

His eyes glanced about, taking in the land before him. Trees grew tall in the forest surrounding his area, the green grass littered with dead leaves he knew he would have to clean up. The sun shined upon everything, causing the morning dew to glitter sharply.

A little less wordy, but it still gets the message across to the reader! 

Plot + Uniqueness: 3/5

I hope you don't mind me saying this but it is definitely cliché, with how fast things progressed between the two of them and how descriptive it was about his and her bodies. I haven't seen a bear shape-shifter, so props for that! The cover reminded me of those 18+ novels that dot every bookstore shelf with a super good looking guy. I will say there's nothing wrong with taking it slow, but in these kinds of stories, usually everything's paced kind of faster. But with some editing it could definitely become an awesome story (not that it isn't...well, you know what I meant).

OVERALL SCORE: 15.5/25