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Review by Painite: The Lost Realm

Title: The Lost Realm 

Author: ray_of_sunshine9

Description: 5/5 

Your awesome magic to weave amazing stories using your imagination is so beautiful, and I'm so awestruck at how you breathed a new gust of fresh air into the realm of fantasy. 

You use a whole variety of words to string them in a lovely sequence, and there was never a boring or dull moment where I often wonder what had happened to the other characters and the rest of the scenery. I'm at loss for words, because your diction is so amazing and so crazily good! 

You added a brilliant hint of something magical in your descriptions, and you really aced with naming the characters, worlds and their occasions. Kudos!! Seriously, how do you make them? They're so awesome!

Grammar: 4.5/5 

On chapter one, I noticed this word: lostness. 

It sounded a lil stiff, so I looked it up on Merriam Webster and saw that there IS such a word. The definition is just the same as lost, but with the '-ness'. I think it just gets along with some words such as 'emptiness,' 'willingness,' or 'darkness'. But when using these words, it'll sound weird when lumped together with 'a'. 

E.g: 

A lostness 

A darkness 

A willingness 

An emptiness 

Well, they sound weird when used alone, but they'll sound better when you add another word into the mix. 'The' can also be a good replacement for 'a,' don't you think? 

Like, 'the emptiness,' 'the willingness,' or 'the lostness'. 

Or: 

Rae knew exactly what she would see cascading through the dappled brown of his irises. 

Lostness./Loss 

Well, this word can also function all by itself too. So what do you think about my suggestion, miss Sunshine? 

Characterization: 5/5 

It really struck to me—the part where Rae's younger self ate that rock, where even she herself was shocked. I somehow predicted that her magic has something to do with rocks because of what her mother said to her in the previous memory. 

You made such well-rounded characters and I'm really thrilled to learn more on how they'll develop as a whole throughout the story. I really loved Sam's magic though, he's so cool.

Plot: 5/5 

I can really tell that you planned this plot with careful precision and that you placed a whole lot of effort in this. Even though I've only read until chapter five, (I'm so sorry, my schedule was chocking, and I didn't want to keep you waiting for that long...) please expect me to continue reading this because I'm already so hooked! 

This story has this pinch of humor that makes me giggle uncontrollably and makes me roll over in anticipation. 

Realism: 5/5 

I really loved the smooth flow of your story, and I loved the way you gave each of them —Rae, Sam, Kiel, and Celia— their own distinctive goals and how you gave them different perspectives in third person, allowing us to lurk and poke around in their minds. Kudos, miss Sunshine!! You're amazing!

OVERALL SCORE: 24.5/25

Thanks a lot for choosing me to review your story, miss Sunshine! I hope you liked the review, and I'm sorry it took me a really long while to get this review done. You're a really brilliant author, miss Sunshine, and I'm glad I got to read such an awesome undiscovered story!