When a Gangsta Loves You (Currently Editing and Perfecting)

Chapter 15 Shawnee

"Why are you staring at me?" I asked as I smiled, my eyes focused on my notes.

My Calculus class just let out and I was in the library studying like I usually did afterwards...with Derick. Without him, I would undoubtedly be failing right now. Math has always been my weakest subject and Derick had offered his assistance when he overheard my frustration as I'd cussed my way to my car, damn near in tears after receiving the results of my first exam. A fuckin D! It was obvious this class was going to demolish the 3.8 GPA I worked damn hard to maintain if I didn't figure some shit out.

Derick had stopped me and asked if I was okay. I must say, I noticed Derick the minute he stepped through the door and not just because he was so tall. Rome is 6'3 so Derick has to be around 6'6 or 6'7. He was on the thinner side but still had a little muscle on him. His peanut butter skin looked smooth as hell and I absolutely loved his brown, shoulder length dreads. The man was fine as hell.

When he'd offered to tutor me, my first thought was to say no, but my mouth had ended up saying the opposite. For the past couple of months, Derick has been meeting me in the library to study. We 'studied' over the phone sometimes too, and yes, I'll admit there were some feelings there on my part and Derick had definitely made his known. He asked me out a few times since we started this, but I keep turning him down.

It felt good as hell to have a man's attention again but I was afraid to get back out there. Rome had my mental all fucked up when it came to men. I couldn't trust worth shit. Derick knows I've been hurt before. Details weren't given, but I did tell him my ex husband had took me through some things.

Derick was persistent though, and still stuck around hoping I take his ass out of the friend zone. But I didn't care how many flowing conversations we had or how many cute, random texts he sent just to check up on me; I wasn't ready to do it.

"You look sexy as hell today for one, and for two, you ignore me for the last few days and I'm tryna read whether you mad at a nigga." He pulled his chair closer to mine and leaned in my personal space. His cologne seeped up my nose and I let out a sigh.

"If I was mad, do you think I'd be here with you right now?" I asked as I chewed the end of my pencil.

Him being this close to me had me nervous as hell. All Derick ever got from me was a quick, side church hug every once in a while, but right now his lips were so close to the side of my face, I could feel his warm, minty breath on my cheek.

"Then what's up? Everything good with you?" His hazel eyes were full of concern and I felt so fucked up.

It had gotten to the point where Derick and I were communicating on a daily basis and I might have told him I wasn't ready to get into anything, but my actions didn't follow through. I entertained all the text messages and phone calls, even these study sessions. It wasn't like I couldn't afford to hire someone else.

Wow. Here I was, pushing a perfectly suitable man away, who really did deserve a chance, for a man that has proven over and over again that he couldn't be trusted and is all about his damn self. I liked Derick a lot. I really did, but Rome coming back home had fucked my head up. Like a dumbass, my hoe self had to go and fuck him, then have the nerve to let him lye up in my bed and basically play house with me all weekend.

It pissed me off how perfect the last few days have been with Rome. He's been doing everything in his power to show me how much he wants my forgiveness. Even though I should be cooking for him, Rome had been doing his thing in the kitchen. He fixed a few things that I'd been meaning to get around to putting work orders in for around the house and it just sort of felt like we fell back in step.

Mama Lynette dropped JJ back off on day two and I have to say, it felt good for the three of us to be under the same roof. Seeing JJ interact with Rome had me tearing up the whole time. Beside Ky who popped up every now and then or the haircuts with Tone every other week, JJ didn't have a constant man in his life. Not since Rome got locked up and those bi weekly visits to the correctional facility wasn't didn't count. My baby needed his father back.