When a Gangsta Loves You (Currently Editing and Perfecting)

Chapter 17 Shawnee

I couldn't fucking believe Rome! I was so embarrassed and I felt so bad about leaving Derick like that. There was no way I was ever stepping a foot back in that library.

Once we got to the parking lot, Rome had basically thrown me in the car then turned up the music and drove home like this was NASCAR. I'd left his ass in the driveway the second the wheels stopped spinning and went upstairs to my room.

Derick was a really sweet guy and in no way did he deserve the beat down Rome had given him. I had half a mind to call and apologize, but he was probably at the hospital getting treated. Rome had really did a number on him. Derick's nose had looked crooked and I was almost sure it was broken. Two of his bloody teeth were left behind on the multi colored carpet, both of his eyes would undoubtedly be black, and his face had swelled up almost as soon as Rome threw the first punch.

My eyes rolled when Rome pushed the door open with a lit blunt and my bottle of Tequila in his hands.

"I don't want you in here."

"Are you fucking that nigga, Sha?" Rome sat on the bed and took a swig from the bottle before taking a pull from the blunt, ignoring what I'd said. He had to be halfway drunk given the amount that was missing from the previously unopened bottle.

"That is none of your fucking business," I snapped. Rome looked like he was ready to lose his shit again but I didn't care. "We aren't together anymore and I can do whatever the fuck I want!"

Rome started chuckling and it sounded evil as fuck. "Here I am, looking like a dumb nigga, turning down pussy, trying to be the best nigga I can be to you, so we can do this family shit and you out here entertaining other niggas?"

Shaking his head he got up and went to stand by the balcony door. Lifting the bottle, he took several long gulps. He looked hurt and I almost felt bad. Almost.

"Nobody told you to turn down a damn thing! You're free to go stick your dick in whatever hoe you want!" Getting up from the bed, I got up in his face. I was trippin because I knew if I did hear about him fucking some bitch, my ass would be broke down, but he couldn't be serious right now.

"And you have a lot of fuckin nerve! You know how many times you got caught up? Had me up all night crying over some bitch being all up in your phone or calling me and telling me about my man? Or how about when I walked in on you fucking your employee? Huh? And you mad over a damn kiss that happened when I made it clear we weren't together? Get the fuck out of here Rome! You can be mad all you want. Shit, I was all those times I had to deal with you and your roaming dick back when we actually WERE a couple!

You had better hope Derick doesn't press charges either and have the police show up over here to arrest your ass! What you did to him was SO uncalled for!"

Rome was silent for a long time as he smoked and sipped, just staring at me. It felt like forever before he responded. The blunt was gone by the time he finally said something.

"If that nigga comes anywhere near you again, I'm putting a bullet through his skull."

"Wow Rome. With all that I just said, all you can focus on is you and your feelings? Killing Derick isn't going to solve our problems. He is not the reason why we aren't together. You and your selfish ways are. If you were more concerned about me sometimes, rather than only thinking about yourself and your dick; we probably wouldn't be here right now!"

Turning, I went to walk off on him but he snatched me up and pulled me back against his chest. That shit had my knees weak. Even when I was mad at him, being so close to Rome still had that type of effect on me.

"Fuck! You're right. I know I fucked up, and I know I've been selfish, Sha." Rome spun me around so I was facing him then let the bottle drop to the floor so he could cup my face. "I know I fucked shit up with you but I'm here now, working my ass off, trying to make shit right with us. I don't want to lose you, Shawnee. Seeing you all up on that nigga"-

Rome shook his head and released me. His large hand brushed over his face and he looked like he was struggling to get his emotions in check.

"I fuckin lost it, yo." He finished his sentence before reeling me back into him. "You're mine, Shawnee. I can't be without you, ma. I want us. You know that. I'm a changed nigga. I'm not the same man I was three years ago, Shawnee.

Baby, I've always known your value. You are good woman, the only woman for me. I was too weak before to be the man I needed to be for you but I'm ready now, ma.

Being locked up and you not fucking with me gave me a lot of time to think on us and everything I took you through and I see it. I've got perspective now, Sha. All I want is you and our son. I want y'all to be happy and right next to me where y'all belong. I need that shit. Sha, I need you, but I can't show you that I'm a changed man now if you won't let me."

Rome looked so humble and his eyes pleaded with mine. Lord knows I loved this man more than my next breath and I wanted to scream yes so badly because deep down I needed him just as much as he said he needs me, but I couldn't handle being back where I was three years ago. That shit had almost killed me. There was no way I'd survive Rome doing me like that again and with his track record, there was no doubt in my mind that we'd go right back to the bullshit.

"I can't. My heart cant take anymore, Rome. I know I've already said this but I want you to understand how serious I am when I say that I will always love you, Jerome. There isn't a man on this earth that will ever have my heart the way do, but I can't do this with you again." My head shook as tears ran a marathon down my cheeks. "I just can't."

Rome held me close to his chest as I started sobbing. I thought Rome would keep fighting me on this but he surprised the hell out of me when he didn't. He just held me and allowed me to let all my pain out on his black tee. It made me cry even harder being in his arms and smelling his scent knowing this was it for us. I could feel it. The way Rome was holding me, it was feeling like it would be the last time, like he was giving up the battle. Even though that was what I'd asked for, it didn't stop it from hurting so bad.