You are mine ~ Bennoda ✔️

••• 27. Without you •••

"I don't think I can forgive you."

And just like that, My heart ripped to shreds. I left the room and started sobbing. He didn't even hear the story.. but he said he can't forgive me. The love of my life just said he can't forgive me. I've ran out of chances with the most forgiving person I know. Chester was my everything. Freaking more then that damn it.

"The ones we love the most, we hurt the most." I heard my phone play. Whyy out of all things! I threw my phone against the wall and fell to the floor, leaning against a wall.

And I guess it was true all along, you don't really know what you've got until it's gone.

But Chester... I need him.

I can't live without him.

Chester's PoV

Of course I wanted to forgive Mike, but this is the second time he cheated and It won't be good for me to keep forgiving him..

I grabbed my notebook and started writing lyrics, But this wasn't my handwriting... who wrote this? It seemed like.. it seemed like Mike

"Waiting for the end to come, wishing I had strength to stand. This is not what I had planned, it's out of my control. Flying at the speed of light, thoughts were spinning in my head. So many things were left unsaid.

It's hard to let you go.

I know what it takes to move on, I know how it feels to lie. All I wanna do is trade this life for something new. Holding on to what I haven't got.

What was left when the fire was gone? I thought it felt right but that right was wrong."

A tear escaped my eye. It's hard to let you go..

I don't want to let him go. I love him, so so much.. but I have to.. he'd be happier with her. He deserves someone who's good for him and that's not me.. I'm not good for anyone.

I was both sad and angry.

I added more lines.

"All caught up in the eye of the storm and trying to figure out what it's Like moving on. And I don't even know what kind of things I said, my mouth kept moving but went dead. So picking up the pieces now where to begin? The hardest part of ending is starting again."

Dave spoke up "alright guys, yesterday I was walking through Amsterdam and heard there was a ice skating hall, it seemed fun so... here we are."

My face lit up, I liked ice skating! I was pretty good too. Maybe Dave just wanted to cheer me up, but he did a good job at it!

Mike on the other hand, turned a bit pale..

Mike's PoV

I can't ice skate...

This is gonna be awkward as hell, I'm gonna get hurt. I will fall. Why, out of all activities this one! Then I remembered, Chester likes ice skating.

I walked over to Dave and asked "this is for Chaz, right?"

"Yeah, Just look at how miserable he was, he seems a little cheered up now.

—

Chester's PoV

I was now ice skating happily, it took a bit for me to warm up but now it was going great. Brad was next to Rob, pretending he didn't know how to keep balance just so he could lean on Rob, I know Brad can actually keep his balance pretty well on ice.

Joe was yelling "Guys! Say Colorado!! I'm a giraffe!!"

Mike's PoV

I was starting to get it but... I fell, really hard.. I closed my eyes tightly and inhaled sharply through my teeth.

Someone grabbed my hand and pulled me back up, I didn't know who yet. I opened my eyes, Chester was standing there.. I didn't know what the hell I was thinking but I tried to kiss him. He held a hand up, "Mike, No."

I looked down, embarrassed and disappointed "uhm.. sorry, it's a..uh it's a habit.. Chester you uh.. You know I'll always love you ri-"

"Don't." He said, I saw his eyes get glossy again.

"I'm sorry.." I whispered

Chester just nodded and left again. Dave skated towards me "wow, you okay Mike? You fell pretty fucking hard."

"Y-yeah.. I'm fine." I said. Physically fine... mentally, not okay.

"Uhm but Mike.. maybe you should leave Chester alone for a bit.."

"I just want him to know the truth. Maybe then he'll forgive me!"

Brad and Rob stood with us "What's going on?" Brad asked. "Mike and Chaz." Dave said.

"What happened now?" Rob asked

"Will you guys uhm.. make sure Mike doesn't talk to Chester about all this stuff?"

"I'm right here.." I said.

"Yep I know.. please listen too. Chester probably can't handle all of this. You know how he is, he always pretends that everything is okay for everyone else, so you may think it doesn't affect him too much but it probably does."

We looked over at Chester who was messing around with Joe.

"Joe! Look at mee! I can flyy!" He laughed. That laugh could make the most angry person smile. It was just perfect. Just like him. He is perfect, sadly he can't see it. Chester still always sees something wrong with himself.

Flashback

Chester was standing in front if the Mirror, he wasn't wearing a shirt so I had something more to admire then just his face. Chester on the other hand, was frowning at the sight of his body, he looked angry at himself, disgusted..

"Chaz? What's wrong?" I asked, standing behind him and placing my hands on his waist.

"Just." He sighed "every time I look in the mirror I see something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you Chaz, I think you're perfect. Why can't you believe that?"

"Because... how can I expect someone to think that If I can't think that of myself."

"Chaz, come on, please.. believe me when I say, you are beautiful, you're kind, you're caring, you're also cute and hot as hell!"

Chester smiled, turned around to kiss me and said "Thank you, Mike. I love you, always will."

Flashback end

I was now already off the ice, Brad, Joe and Chester stayed on. I was drinking coffee to warm up a bit. Chester's bag was open, I could see his lyric note book.. Dave was in the bathroom and Rob was calling his mom in the hallway. I guess no one will notice if I'd just take a peek..

I opened the note book and read the words on the page. I saw that he added lines to the song I wrote in his book... without him knowing..

"All caught up in the eye of the storm and trying to figure out what it's Like moving on. And I don't even know what kind of things I said, my mouth kept moving but went dead. So picking up the pieces now where to begin? The hardest part of ending is starting again."

Chester is so good at writing songs. But the line "I don't even know what kind of things I said, my mouth kept moving but my mind went dead." Does he mean that he didn't mean all the things he said? There might be some kind of hope!

I read another page, this one had only one line on it.

"You said It was forever, but then it slipped away."

I did say I'd be with him forever.. I promised. I don't want to break that promise. But Chester won't hear me out.. what am I without him? He made me happy, He made me comfortable with who I am.

Without Chester, I don't have anything.

Without Chester, I'm nothing.

I am nothing.