You are mine ~ Bennoda ✔️

••• 46. Not just Lyrics •••

Warning: blood, cuts (again, not self inflicted) and mention of suicide and depression.

Jaime's PoV

After dad left his bedroom, I went in just to put back some laundry I did, But I noticed all these notebooks on the bed.. Out of curiosity, I read one random page I flipped to, but oh did I wish I didn't.

"I cannot take this anymore. I have to get the fuck out! I have to get away from this world. I think the guys just fucking pretended to be my fucking friend because I'm a fuck up that doesn't have anybody else! I've had enough. I don't wanna hurt anymore. I don't want to feel anymore. Tonight is the night people, I hope everyone will be happy now. Tonight I'm gonna fucking end it all."

I dropped the notebook back on the bed as my hands started shaking. I quickly put down the laundry and left the room. I couldn't stop thinking about it.. especially now.. he's gone, he hasn't come home in days! What if he died? What if my fucking dad died?!

I went to my room and started crying uncontrollably.

Chester's PoV

I woke up again, everything hurt. "Look who's up." I heard. I looked up at her and she came close again "so, you finally woke up huh. I was halfway hoping you wouldn't, but what would be the fun of you dying when it's only been like, a week?"

It's been a week?! Mike must be so worried right now! "M-Mike.." I managed. She chuckled "Mike probably doesn't care that your pathetic face is gone. I'd think he'd be rather happy that he finally got away from you. He probably just felt sorry for you, you're pathetic bitch ass that annoys everyone that comes in your path."

What if Mike really just felt sorry for me? What if it was all a lie? I got stuck in my thoughts but I snapped out of them as She tore apart my shirt.. "Why'd you do that?" I asked. She ignored me as she moved me to a table, also restrains on them. She tied the restraints tightly. "I had something in mind. It's gonna be fun... well for me."

I shut my eyes and swallowed thickly, this is gonna hurt real bad. Before I could imagine anything, I felt something burning on my skin and I heard it sizzle. I screamed. "Don't worry Chaz, I'm not gonna mark you or anything. But these knives will leave scars.. well, you're used to them anyways. But, I have something that you'll be more familiar with." She turned to her table and came back with a razor blade, she held it up with the tip of her thumb and index finger "You know this one all to well, don't you chazzy?" She started making cuts all over my stomach area. I screamed out, calling for help, she just said "Did you really think anyone's gonna hear you?"

Mike's PoV

I stayed up all night looking for things that could get us to Chester. I ended up with his lyrics notebook, I haven't looked in it for forever.

He worked on that song, he called it 'one more light'

I started reading the lines, skipping the ones I had already seen.

"...The reminders pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh
And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it, isn't there
If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do."

Tears started welling in my eyes, I do too Chester... We all do.. more then you think. I turned to another page to find out he nearly finished a song, this one was called 'heavy'

"I don't like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
'Cause I can't escape the gravity
I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
You say that I'm paranoid
But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me
It's not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning 'round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning 'round me just the same
I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free."

I couldn't believe what I read.. It seems that Chester has been depressed, how did I not notice?! Why didn't I notice? I just yelled at him when he must've been feeling terrible already. There were a few lines that just kept replaying in my mind.

"You say that I'm paranoid, but I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me." I hated myself for not believing him, if I just believed him, he'd still be here, with me. I need him.. I don't just want him, I fucking need him. Chester kept me sane, he helped me more then he realizes, he showed me what true love meant, he was there for me, he was the shoulder to cry on, he was the reason I had the perfect life. without him, I'm incomplete. It's like half of me is gone. He was my best friend, my husband, my everything... and he got taken away from me.