darling | brendon urie | sequel to "strawberries"

18: "justin, i love you!"

tw suicide attempt
i ran through the hallway, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"dylan! dylan, slow the fuck down!" brendon called after me. he pulled me into his arms as i fought the panic attack.

"i-i need to find him" i sobbed.
"breathe. okay?" he calmed me slowly then took my hand. "he'll be okay. i promise. c'mon"
justin tried to commit suicide. his mom rang me sobbing, asking if i knew about the rope. i didn't know why he tried but it broke me. i barely asked how he was or saw how down he was feeling. it was always about me. it was my fault. i cried harder, thinking about it.

brendon let me see him alone. his parents walked out the room with his siblings. his mom spotted me and gestured me to go in. i walked inside to see my best friend hooked on an IV. his neck had marks on it. he locked eyes with -'d and i sobbed.
"oh my god" i ran and hugged him. "im
so fucking sorry. im sorry for not checking in or"

"dylan hear me out" he said. he patted the space next to him. i slid into bed beside him, weeping. "it's not your fault. at all"
everytime i get a girlfriend im their coverup or they don't like me back. i grew jealous of you as you have an awesome girlfriend. i just felt really unwanted and worthless. and i grew hella depressed..." he had tears in his eyes. "i just felt like a waste of space. no one loves me and...no one ever will"
"justin! i love you! you're my best friend and you mean the world to me! really, you do. im so sorry!"
"dylan. no apologies" he put his hand on my mouth. "i don't like verbally talking about my problems. i write it down. its easier for me and its a good outlet"
"oh"
"im not comfortable talking. you...kind of are i guess but we're different"
"hetro" i joked. he laughed and i did too. i put my arm round him. "text me if you ever need me. im always gonna be here for you. heck, im gonna find you a girlfriend" i said.