darling | brendon urie | sequel to "strawberries"

36: "jessica i-i can't trust you"

i sat at my dressing table and brushed mascara onto my lashes. i was now ready for my date. i was wearing a black jumpsuit, black heels and my hair was down and wavy. my make up was done and paige was waiting for me at the end of the street in her car. sarah was in her room napping. she'd been away with her parents for the week and was exhausted. i went downstairs and went to the studio to say bye to brendon.

i knocked on the door and he was streaming. he opened it and smiled.
"hey vros! dylans here!" he pointed to the camera. i covered my face in fear and he laughed. "hey its okay" he hugged me. "i'll see you soon okay? look after yourself" he whispered.
"i will. i love you" i replied.
"i love you too"

i walked out of the house and headed down the street to see paige's car. i got in and she smiled. "hey. you okay?" she asked.
"yeah" i replied quietly. she grinned and kissed my lips. i may or may not have a small crush on her and feel really safe around her.

she played BLACKPINK as she drove us to a dessert parlour. i got a small smoothie and she got ice cream. we got to know each other more and it was really nice. then i heard my name. i looked to my left to see jessica. my eyes swivelled back to paige. i told her i needed the bathroom and left.

i had a small panic attack in the stall and typed away to brendon for help. he called me and helped me calm down. i had a little cry and thanked him. i then fixed my make up and washed my hands. the door opened and jessica was there. "hi"
"hi" i replied quietly.
"so...is she your girlfriend?" she asked.
"no. just a friend" i responded. okay that wasn't a lie...we were fuck buddys - aka friends.
"oh yeah..you said you didn't want to date right now" she was being kind of sly.
"whatever" i turned to leave but she stopped me.

"please give me another chance. i miss you so much. everyday i think about you and i end up crying. im sorry for lying to you. i still love you and i need you" she begged. i sighed.
"look, we dated for three years and i trusted you so much. i lost my virginity to you. i loved you so much. but you lied to me. imagine loving someone for three years and feeling safe around them. then they lie to you and you see them with someone who hurt you. we had a connection that i'd never felt with anyone before" i sniffled. "jessica i-i cant trust you. im sorry. we can stay friends maybe but i cant date you"

i walked out of the bathroom crying. paige ran and comforted me.
"c'mon lets go to my place for a bit and i'll cheer you up" she took my hand and led us out. i was still crying so much but she calmed me and we headed to her place. i looked at her with lust in my eyes. she was so caring and kind. i definitely had a crush on her. i wanted to make her mine. she was so beautiful inside and outside - she made me feel human.

sexual content ahead LMAO

we got to her apartment and she took my hand and led me inside. i could feel myself getting wet. i wanted her so bad and i think she knew because she took me to her bedroom and shut the door and locked it. she drew the curtains and turned the light on. we looked at each other. i sat on the bed and she sat next to me and our lips met.

we went slow but things soon escalated quickly. my jumpsuit was unzipped and fell to the floor. she pulled off her blouse and skirt and we were in our lingerie. we fell onto the bed, her on top.

its over im sorry it sucked

"i really want to be your girlfriend. but i know you aren't doing well mentally. but i will wait forever for you" she kissed me again as we laid there breathless and naked.