darling | brendon urie | sequel to "strawberries"

31: "im not okay"

"so...how are you?" he asked. "and be honest"
tears filled my eyes.
i shook my head "i don't even know" i said quietly.
"are you okay?" he tried again.
"no" i sniffled. "i'm not okay" i admitted.
"what's wrong?"
"everything" i started to cry again. "sorry" i sniffled, about to wipe my tears.
"don't be sorry. okay, this time is for us to let things out. and cry" he said gently.

i calmed myself a bit then carried on.
"i want everything to to back to normal. where im home schooled. you're seeing sarah a-and im with jessica. justin didn't nearly die. it was...easier"
"you were not in a good place back then"
"i know but...it was easier than now. i just don't know if i can keep going" i quietly admitted.

"what do you mean?" he asked.
"well...i was thinking of ending it all but" i looked at him. "i lost you once. twice. and if i lost you permanently i'd never forgive myself"
"y-you're staying alive because of me?"
i nodded. "i had this stupid plan to disappear for a month, get my life together then come back because genuinely, i-i can't anymore"

"c'mere you" he put his kitten down and took mine. he gave me a hug and i sobbed. "im really proud of you. okay?" he wiped my tears. "and you're gonna get through this love. i'm gonna be here every step of the way"

we went home soon enough to find justin outside my door. i ran over to him and hugged him.
"hey. you okay?" he asked. i shrugged. "did this kitten thing work out?" then it hit me.
"was that your idea?" i pondered. he nodded.
"you're the best. i love you" i hugged him again.
"i love you too. you're always gonna be my baby sister"

my make up had gone everywhere so i went to my room and wiped it all off. brendon knocked on my door.
"hey uh...i was thinking about what you said. and...i think it could work"
"really?" i asked. he nodded.
"i just need your phone" he said.
"wait we need a cute photo" i added. he chuckled. "of course"

he was too busy laughing to notice i took it already.

@dylanurie: lol see yall in a month ig

i then hugged brendon.
"thank you. i love you so much" i mumbled.
"i love you too beautiful"