My Thoughts

Love

i never knew love until you. i never knew what it felt like to be constantly pulled toward someone. i never knew the agonizing pain it felt to be betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust. i never knew the doubt it put in my heart that i could ever trust someone as much as i trusted you.
i never knew what it was like to have to mold myself back together. i never knew the strength it takes to get over being hurt by someone you could never betray.
and now, now i constantly ask myself, was it love? was it the force that everyone wants? was it what i thought it was?
before you, i never knew how strong i truly was. i never knew how much time it takes to find the strength inside to realize you're worth more. to realize you don't need someone who isn't going to treat you how you deserve to be treated.
i never knew how much i loved me.
you know, somewhere in my head, i knew we weren't gonna be forever. i knew that it would end, but i pushed it down, i pushed it so far down, i couldn't even hear it anymore. i pushed it down thinking maybe, maybe it was wrong. maybe you actually did change and it was all in my head.

but it wasn't, was it?
cheating, lying, betraying, jealousy, those were just the surface things. you had so many issues, i couldn't see how fucked up you were. all you can think about is you. how you feel, what you'll do, how you would get off. what about me? what about the pain, confusion, tiredness i felt? you never thought about me.

it was all about you, and when i got sick of it, you moved on. without a second thought, you moved on.

guess nothing ever truly mattered to you.