My Thoughts

I dont know

I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't know why I'm feeling it or what I'm obsessing over, but you're bugging me.
I don't think it's actually you anymore. I don't think I miss you. I think I miss what we had.
When I was with you, I never wanted to be with anyone else. I was so absorbed in you.
I ditched friends to hang out with you cause all I wanted to do was be with you. I didn't care if my parents got upset at me because I was with you and I didn't care if anyone else didn't like you because I did. I didn't care that I was lying to be with you. I was with you.
I was so in love with you.
I don't know why I'm writing this because you're never going to see it and you're never going to think about me again because you've got someone new and I'm sure you're in love with her.
But I don't want to be in a relationship that I don't have that feeling in. I don't want to have to start over and find that someone that makes my heart all fluttery. I guess what I'm saying is

This sucks so bad.
I don't know, I just miss that.
I know you don't think about that, or me, or anything involving us.
But hey, I'm here. And I miss you.
I don't know maybe one day I will be able to hear your name without thinking about what we were. But for now....
I think of the time when we were in your car and you said "when were married" and it made me smile so big.
I think of the video I took where you looked me in my eyes and said I love you in the softest voice.
I think of your stupid quotes in my phone.
I think of you saying "I hope your birthday was as amazing as you are."
I think of the stupid fights we had that don't seem relevant anymore.
I think of the good times
And I wish I had held them closer when I had them.
God I'm stupid.