My Thoughts

I dont even know

Being in my head is not fun. It makes me anxious and scared and terrified that what I'm thinking is true. That the thing I fear most is true. What if the effort I put in to make this work, to heal is all for nothing. What if I get hurt yet again? What if I want to just crumble into pieces.
What if..... what if it's true.

I'm gonna mess it up. I'm gonna mess it up. I'm gonna mess it up.
I mess everything up and I'm gonna hurt you and I don't know anymore. I don't know how to function. I don't know who I am and I don't know why I do what I do. I don't know why I can't talk when I'm upset. I don't know why I can't figure out what I'm doing or how I'm going to fix it. I'm sorry for who I am. I'm sorry I'm like this. I don't know, maybe it would be easier without me. Maybe.....