My Thoughts

Knots

It's been a rough few days, and I'm starting to see why.
I hadn't felt the way I felt talking to you in a while. You made me feel happy, like really happy. You pulled me in and made me trust you and I was starting to think I had found the person that could help me heal again.
But what now?
What did I do?
What was it that went wrong? This morning we were fine. We talked about Christmas gifts, about you visiting me, about cuddling and just random stuff.
And now....
What? Why?
You made me vulnerable again. Like I could be me around you. And now, what the hell?
What changed between earlier today and tonight? Why is it different?
I might be over reacting, maybe I'm just being plain old dumb. But I seriously can't figure out what I did wrong.
If you lost interest in me, just tell me. I'm a big girl, I can take it.
But don't just leave me hanging like
——————
This is what I was writing when you texted me back
You didn't text me for a while and I got all up in my head and decided that you didn't want me anymore.
Because I'm an idiot with hardcore commitment issues. 
Look, if you decide to take on the idiot that is me (I hope you do but if you don't I don't blame you), I hope you know that I'm a little bit crazy and I'm gonna get angry about stupid things, but at the end of the day, I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be the best I can be to you and I'm gonna try my hardest cause that's who I am. But I'm gonna trip and I'm gonna make you upset and make myself upset and can I just apologize upfront for that? Cause like
I'm dumb and can't help myself but whatever, right?
I'm just sorry for my overreaction and anything that I've done that's stupid, ya know? Just I'm sorry.
Moral of the story, guys are dumb and girl overreact a lot. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
Also I get to dye my hair so yay!