My Thoughts

Changes and I miss you

I know life changes. I know it's a natural process and it's supposed to happen, but I can't help but feel like everything is moving on and nothing is the same and I hate that so much.
I don't want to move on right now. I'm okay with where I am. I'm not okay with who I am.

Have you ever looked in your reflection and hated every single thing about yourself?

Like the fact that you can't be alone but you don't care??

Like the fact that the one person you thought you could be with went hours away from you and doesn't even have a way to contact you?

Like the fact that no one loves you and you're alone in the world?

Have you ever stopped and realized everyone has changed and you're still the same old boring you from 4 years ago?

But also, have you ever stopped to realize the person you want to be with is right in front of you?

T, I need you to come back to me. Your uncle saw me today. He told me what you wrote and it hurt my heart because you. You made me care. You made me be vulnerable and care about you and then you fucking left.
I'm so sick of missing you.
Your jacket still smells like you and I don't want it to end. It's fading and when I went to visit your family, your true family, not millington or Gail or those people, but Mike and Marie and Tana, i partly went to steal your cologne.
But I couldn't find it because tana transformed your room and it's so, so weird.
I don't think I have ever seen the true lights in that room instead of those weird ass red lights you always have on, but she had them on.
God you would hate what she did to your room. There's pink unicorns and a burger backpack on the wall and her clothes are in your dresser and....
it's SO not right.
I miss the dark and twisty vibes that room gave me and the stupid futon you thought was a good idea. I miss your body slams cause wrestler you is so annoying but also adorable and how you always mocked me. I miss rolling my eyes at the dumb things you say. I miss talking to you.

Robyn dumped me as a friend today and I really, really needed to talk to you about it.
But you can't be reached and I miss you.
I miss you so much.
I need you. I need you to come back. Please.
For me. Please come back home.
This is your home. Where you feel loved and cared for. In your words. The first time in your life. Please come home.