My Thoughts

80,000

There's 80,000 thoughts racing in my head at once. About love, lust, desire, pain, loss, joy, misery, but mostly.... just heartache.

my heart was in your hands. i gave it to you and i gave you the ability to treasure it or destroy it. i ripped the beating love out of my chest and placed it in your hands, telling you "here's me. this is me. you get to choose what happens to me. what will you do?"
and you. you chose to obliterate me. you took my heart and slowly ripped off chunks of it. you'd pick a chunk, stare at it, and tear it as if it was nothing, as if you were tearing a piece of paper in half.
you acted as if my trust was something easily fixed.
my heart started as one. one whole piece. slightly damaged, but no real signs of pain. and you shattered it. you shattered it into 80,000 pieces. and then you took those 80,000 pieces and shattered those into 80,000 more.
you hurt me over and over and over again. and i kept letting you. i kept telling myself that you loved me. that i was loved.
but that wasn't love.
love is putting the other person's needs in front of your own. love is holding that heart in your hand and treating it as if it was an egg holding a baby chick inside, waiting to come out. love is trying your hardest not to hurt the other person. love is working out problems instead of treating them as if they don't exist. love is hard, but it's worth it, and in the end, you just weren't.