My Thoughts

Relief

I used to be a sense of relief for some people. I was the person people would come to when they need to vent or if they felt worthless. I used to be able to help when someone felt like crap or were going through something really rough.

But being that person weighs on you. It weighs on you so much. It's so mentally exhausting that at this point I just want to break down, I want to scream at the world, but not because of my own problems. Because people rely on me to be a stress reliever. And I can't be.
I'm so drained of sympathy, of the ability to comfort, the ability to understand what people are going through. I used to be able to give advice when someone needed it.

Now? Oh now my life is amazing and I can't even enjoy it because my best friend is sucking the life out of me piece by piece. I don't even want to talk to him sometimes because he complains. So much. I don't think there's been one day in the last month that I haven't heard him complain.
I understand you don't have anyone else you can vent to. I understand your world is shitty right now, but I can't enjoy my life because you're suffocating me. You're making me not want to talk to you. I love you but god, I need a breath of fresh air from the bullshit. You're killing me and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to pull out of this.
My life is so great right now. My friends, my love, my grades, even my family is doing well. And I can't enjoy it because none of that is going well for you.
I'm so sorry I feel this way. I am. I'm supposed to sympathize, to get that I need to help you. But I've been helping you with this for the last 2 months 24/7 and it hasn't gotten better. It's actually gotten worse. You're an amazing person. You've helped me through good and bad times and I want to do the same thing to you but it's hard when you don't even seem like you're trying to help yourself. You're stuck in a depressive loop and you're dragging everyone who loves you down with you.
It has to stop. You have to do something about it. I know it's hard, I know that you are having trouble but this self pity hole you're going down isn't good. It's not right and you have got to be able to pull out of it or you're going to lose everyone good in your life.
It sounds mean, I know. I feel like a terrible person writing this but this is killing me. It kills me watching you like this, it kills me talking to you about this, it kills me seeing texts about this. It's killing me in general. Please. Help both of us and fix yourself.

I need relief from this.