My Thoughts

I hate you

The level of self-hatred I feel sometimes is unbearable. Going through old things and seeing the hurt I've put other people through is the worst thing I've ever done. Ive accepted my past mistakes. I've realized how stupid and idiotic and hurtful I was, and I'm okay with it because I know not to anymore. But even though I know that it's in the past and it doesn't matter anymore, but knowing I cause pain to someone else because I changed my mind or I decided to go another stupid, ridiculously wrong path, how are you supposed to be okay with that?
I honestly don't know how I feel about myself. At one point, it was such hatred, such rage that I thought it couldn't be fixed, and then it was me being okay with my mind my body, everything about myself. And then someone came and ripped that away from me. I don't know anymore. How am I supposed to feel?

Everyone says to be confident with who you are, to love your body. But how are you supposed to do that if your whole body and mind, even your heart tells you you should change everything about yourself. Change everything.
Am I always going to be like this? I want to be okay with myself but I'm slowly suffocating myself and my whole body feels tight. I'm stressed, I'm exhausted, I just want a break and I can't get one. I need a while to myself. Just me. But god I can't do that. I'm so. god damn tired. I just want a break.

Help me please.