My Thoughts

To everyone

I have a lot of gratitude in my heart so here's a bit of it to everyone who's been in my life.

To my first real best friend:

Thank you for everything you've done in my life. We've gone through a lot together. Hell, you're still a part of my life today. I don't remember that much of our friendship, but I do remember that you've always always been there for me when I needed you. You have played such a tremendous part in who I am today and yes I'm flawed. Yes, I make bad decisions, but you are always there to help me through it and I can not thank you enough for that. You are gorgeous, beautiful, talented, amazing, and all-around just an absolute dime. You're one of the best people in my life. I love the crap out of you. Thank you. 

To my first fake best friend:

Describing our friendship is like trying to defuse a bomb when it doesn't have any wires. You made my last year of middle school absolute hell. You made my senior year hell. But still, thank you for showing me what true friendship is, because without you, I wouldn't know what a toxic friendship looks like. And thank you for ignoring me for a month because that showed me only having two friends was not smart. Thank you. 

To my first love:

You. Just you. I don't know how to describe you. You were.... amazing to me. You were caring, passionate, considerate, kind, and honestly, I couldn't have made it through freshman year without you. I don't know if what we had was love, but at the time, we both believed it was. It was amazing. You were the best thing in my life for a year. The fact that we can still have a conversation without it being weird is amazing to me. I truly do hope you're happy because you made me incredibly happy for a very long time. I'm sorry for the way I acted when we broke up and how fast I moved on, but nothing will ever change the fact that I am so thankful for that experience and for you. Thank you.

To my parents:

Wow, we have a complicated relationship. I know that I'm not the best child. I get worked up over nothing; I do stuff I'm not supposed to do; I lie; I ignore you; I know. But at the end of the day, you're still my parents and I love you. You've given me a great life so far. You may be aloof and you may do things that I hate, but I am still extremely grateful for you. You have given me the tools I need to have a great life and shown me what having a family should be like (and what it shouldn't be like.) Thank you for my life. Thank you. 

To my blonde best friend:

You are genuinely the best person I have ever met in my life. There is legitimately nothing I could ever say or do to express to you how much you mean to me but I am telling you, you have saved me so many times from doing stupid stuff or just in general. You act like my guardian angel and god I'm so grateful for that. I could never imagine my life without you. You're going to do great things with your life and I know home life sucks ass but you're achieving so much in life already! Trust me, it's going to be beautiful. Thank you for keeping me sane and for letting me lay on you and sleep when I need it. You deserve the world. Thank you so much. I'll never forget you. 

To my crazy best friend who's probably going to read this:

God, I could say so many things to you. We've only been close for like a month but let me tell you, I appreciate the SHIT out of you. You make me laugh so hard when I need it and you show me the light in everything. I know that you're struggling and life seriously sucks ass, but you're so close to getting out, you're so close. I love you lots and hate that you have to deal with all the shit you deal with. I wish I could pull all of the hurt and pain and confusion and suffering out of your life and leave so much happiness rainbows would shoot out of your ass. You deserve so much and I can't give you a lot, but I can promise that I will accept you for anything and everything you are, I accept your insecurities and your mistakes and I am so extremely thankful you trusted me with such a huge part of your life. Thank you for being my friend and hugging me when I need it. You're a true blessing. Thank you. 

To my latest heartbreak, 

You seriously fucked me up. I don't know why you have this hold on me, but you seriously do. I wish I could forget you and move on, but you were.... something different. I can't tell you it'll ever be like it was before we dated or that we'll be on great terms, but I can tell you I still care about you and I know you're hurting. Last time we talked, I acted like a jerk. I was talking out of pain instead of logic and for that, I'm sorry. But you also said some extremely hurtful things to me, that conversation and others. I didn't say anything bad about you after we broke up, and I learned from one of my friends that you were talking bad about me with my ex.... and that definitely hurt me. But I guess that's life. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for everything you did, and I mean everything. You showed me an amazing love for a while. You showed me an amazing relationship for a while and I'm so grateful for it. Thank you for showing me heartbreak. I had never truly experienced it before you. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you and how things ended in our last talk. I hope you can forgive me. Thank you for everything. 

To the one who makes me laugh, 

I'm very thankful for you, you have no clue. When I'm down, you're there to make me laugh with your dumb-ass jokes and your weird self. You're new in my life, but you're going to be important. I can tell. This friendship is growing, and it's going to be amazing. Thank you for being influential, for being you. You're amazing. Thank you.

To my beautiful friends:

Every single one of you are different, and you all serve a different purpose in my life. Some of you are there to scream at me and tell me when I'm being a "dumb bitch", some of you are there to pick me up when I fall, and some of you are there to encourage my dumb bitch behavior. You're all such a valuable part of my life, and I'm so grateful I've found you guys. You have no clue how much you guys mean to me. Thank you.

To anyone else that has entered or exited my life, 

Thank you for being a part of my life. You may have been a big part of my life, or you may have just been a small, influential part, but nevertheless, you were a part, so thank you. Thank you for being there. 

Okay, I know that was a lot but it needed to be said. Thanks for reading!