My Thoughts

In my feels

Today, I got multiple texts from multiple people about multiple things.
To the person who told me she cut herself because her friends are mean to her:
You can do so much better, baby. I know you want to be there for them through everything they go through, but it's hurting you as a person. It's not good for you to always be checking up on everyone else. Every once and a while, you have to be selfish. You have to realize you have needs to. And I know it hurts to think about leaving something that you're familiar with, that you would have to step out of your comfort zone to do, but it's going to make life 100 times easier. You can't take pieces away from yourself in order to build other people up. It won't last. You'll break.
It's hard realizing the people you love are the very people holding you back, the ones keeping you from reaching your full potential. It's so painful to rip the chain out that they put around you, but the wound will heal. The pain will cede. And you will feel so much better. You will find the people you're meant to find. You will become stronger, faster, smarter. You will be the person you're meant to be, and it will be because you realized they are absolutely no good for you.
To the one who reached out to me about their dog:
There's nothing harder than saying goodbye to someone who's been there your whole life and someone you've loved ever since you've been alive. There's nothing worse than seeing the one you love suffer and knowing there's nothing you can do about it. I wish I could help you. I wish I could take away his pain and let him live forever. I wish I didn't have to know you're suffering through everything you've been put through. There's nothing worse.
He's been with you since the beginning, and has helped you through so so much. So here's what I'm going to tell you.
It's going to be hard to hear. It's going to take so much guts to go through with it and so much bravery to know you're doing the right thing.
Put him down.
I know you don't want to. I know you want to keep him for as long as you can, but think about this.
He's got this tumor that is sucking all nutrients out of his body, he's shaking, he's puking. He's miserable. If you were that way, would you want to keep going? Would you want to feel as though your whole body is giving up on you every day?
He's helped you with a lot, and he's been there for you through everything. It's time for you to be there for him.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, and I know you want to hear something different, but this is what my opinion is.
Take his pain away. Tell him you love him and stroke his fur as you say goodbye to something you've had for a really long time. This is the best option for him.
Finally, to the people I've hurt.
I can't begin to explain how sorry I am for what has happened. My insecurities and my fear and my doubt has hurt you, and I hope you don't think of me differently.
The thought that I've done this to you because I'm too scared to be vulnerable once again, god I'm so sorry. My head is so messed up right now and what I did is completely unacceptable. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. I'm so so sorry and I hope your opinion of me hasn't changed.
I can't explain my actions. I can't tell you it won't happen again because honestly, I have absolutely no clue. I've got to find time to figure out what I want, but I can tell you I'm really really sorry.
And to everyone:
Some people decide they need to lock their emotions away. Keep them out of reach from anyone they care about. I'm telling you you can't do that. The people you love are there to care for you. They are there to pick you up when you can't walk anymore, make you laugh when you want to cry. When you need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold, that's what they're there for. The people that love you want to know how you're feeling. They want to know when you're struggling. I promise you, if they judge you for anything you tell them, they aren't true friends. Friends don't drag you down, they build blocks for you so you can reach your goals. They aren't true friends if instead of helping you with your problems, they make fun of you. They aren't friends. They're parasites.
You can be helped. I promise. You just have to find the right people to help you.