My Sister's Teacher

Desk Work

I woke up and got ready for the morning shift. I left early so I could go and check on Mikasa first. When I got to the house I brought my hand up to the door before dropping it back to my side. I walked right in. It felt weird. Normally I'd knock first as a courtesy for dad so I didn't scare him half to death popping by unannounced. However, dad's gone now...

I threw on a smile in case Mikasa was up. She had always been a morning person. I walked around through the front room and down the hall to her room. I knocked on the door and when I didn't hear an answer I opened the door and announce my presence. "Mikasa, you in there?" I asked. The curtains were closed and the room was mostly dark. I walked over to the bed to see if she was there but when I got closer I realized it was empty. Strange.

I walked out of the room closing the door behind me before thinking where she might be. She had to still be in the house. She never told me she would leave, and she would tell me. Wouldn't she?

I walked back into the front room and looked off to the other hallway. Dad's room was at the end of that hallway. Could it be? I walked down the hallway and saw her curled up in a ball at the base of his closed door. His door was never closed.

"Mikasa?" No answer. I got closer and realized she was sleeping there on the floor. Her body looked a little blue and she seemed to be shivering. Her eyes had bags under them, worse than before. There were tear tracks down her cheeks and her hair tangled almost as if she had been running her fingers through it. Did she lay here all night? I walked over and kneeled down next to her before scooping her up and carrying her to her bed. I haven't had to do this since she was little.

I tucked her back into bed making sure to throw an extra blanket over her. I was about to close her door and head out when I heard her call my name. I turned around and she was sitting up looking at me.

"You okay?" I asked. I wanted her to be able to talk to me. I wanted her to tell me what was wrong rather than I force it out of her. I won't pry, but I will support her however she needs it.

"No," her voice was quiet.

I walked over and sat on the bed next to her and let her throw her arms around me. I was surprised she actually answered honestly. I'm glad she's not keeping these emotions in it's not healthy, I should know. "What are you feeling?"

"I can't bring myself to go in his room, but I can't seem to stay away from it either. I keep expecting for him to walk out of the room, wish me a good morning, and start heading out to work, but he doesn't and he won't ever again." Her voice breaking as she spoke.

"I know." I didn't know what to say, I was still trying to process that he was gone I didn't know how to help, but I'm damn sure going to try. "Let's try thinking of it this way," I said catching her attention, "rather than waiting for him to say good morning, why don't you say good morning."

"But he's gone," I've never seen her look at me more confused.

"Just because you can't see him doesn't mean he's gone." Man, I'm really butchering this. "What I'm trying to say is though he's passed away our memories of him are still here. So when we wake up we can tell him good morning and when we go to sleep we can tell him goodnight and maybe just maybe it will make us feel a little better." She just stared at me deadpanned for a moment. "I know I'm probably not making any sense," I started but she just shook her head.

"I get what you're trying to say," she said before getting up and walking into the front room. She stopped in the front room before looking at the hallway leading to dad's room. "Good morning dad," she said her voice breaking a little, "hope you have a good day up there," she said before nodding and heading back to her room.