Jenalyn: From the Inside (#3) [Complete]

Chapter 18: Tyler

Monday, 7:46 A.M. PST

My alarm blares at three times its regular volume; I must have hit snooze too many times.

Fuck.

I don’t want to get up, but I’ve got shit to do today.

After everything that happened with Harper yesterday, and then going back to Mama G’s for that stupid fucking blow out? I had a few shots last night.

Mornings like these are always the worst.

“You coming or what?” Gage says, barging through my bedroom door without warning, only to flatten his face when he sees that I’m still in bed. “Why the fuck aren’t you dressed yet, bro?! We have to be out of here in 10 minutes, tops! Get a move on, man!"

I roll my eyes, but he storms out before he has time to see. It’s whatever; I’m sure he knows that I don’t need him nagging me right now. 

I pull myself from my bed and make my way to my bathroom to get ready. 

I wish Hayden didn’t find her way into my mind as much as she does… it’d probably make shit a lot easier to deal with right now. 

I mean, I love the girl. So fucking much I can barely understand it sometimes! But damn, if she’s getting a break from all of this bullshit she caused, why can’t I?

I don’t want to think about any of this- and I especially don’t want to question whether or not she found out I wasn’t the father and lost it like Sophie said...

I don’t want to feel bad about any of this; like it’s somehow my fault or something... that’s what keeps happening though. I don’t understand why, but all I can do is sit here wondering what I could’ve done better anymore.

And why? I already do any and everything I can for that girl! 

I shower pretty quickly, trying but failing to fight off thoughts of Hayden as I dry off.

What if I’m really not the father?

I’d be devastated... I really would be, as much as it pains me to think about. I’m new to this whole fatherhood thing, and honestly, it’s hard to have this little thing to take care of! Especially in this industry! But there was nothing I wanted more than to do this, and do it the right way with Hayden. I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

Would it really change things if it weren’t my kid? 

Gage barges into my room again, just as I’m leaving the bathroom and making my way over to my closet. 

“Really, Ty?” he asks frustratedly. I try to ignore him and grab my clothes, but in Gage fashion, he just has to continue. “Can you get your shit together or something? Sam, Zach, and Pete are already at the studio with M! We’ve got a lot of shit to go over, and you’re just-“

I swear he nags worse than our fucking mother; I can’t help from snapping.

“Can you shut the fuck up for a few seconds and give me some damned space!” I yell as I pull a Generation Z shirt over my head. “I’m dealing with some shit right now, okay? I don’t need you in here nagging me like I’m some bitch!”

I pull a pair of black jeans up my legs before exiting my closet to see a shocked but concerned look on Gage’s face. “Damn,” he says under his breath before letting out a small sigh. “You wanna like... talk or something? I think we lost our telepathic abilities at like 6, so... I don’t know?”

He lets out a laugh, trying to soften the tense air left in the room.

“I don’t fucking know, man.” I sigh as I pull out one of my shoe drawers to grab a pair of sneakers. “Hayden’s just got me fucked up. It’s stupid shit Sophie said, but now I’m over here questioning whether that’s even my kid inside of her.” 

Gage’s brows raise, but I can tell he doesn’t know how to respond.

Of course he wouldn’t. 

He still thinks I don’t catch onto the fact that big bro is jealous of little bro’s catch, and is crushing hardcore. Any time I bring Hayden up, he wants to get all clammy.

“What would you do if it wasn’t?” He asks after a few moments of silence. 

He’s probably just trying to figure it out so he knows when to swoop in and steal Hayden or some shit.

I’d hurt, undoubtedly, but for some stupid ass fucking reason, I couldn’t see myself leaving her over it.

I mean... she lied. Maybe. 

I don’t know when she found out, or even if she found out, that I wasn’t the father; but she had the opportunity to tell me at the hospital if that were the case.

“I don’t know.” I sigh after a few moments, driving myself crazy with these thoughts. “I honestly just want to know, that’s all. I’d have to go from there, I guess...”