Jenalyn: From the Inside (#3) [Complete]

Chapter 28: Hayden

Monday, 4:52 P.M. EST

"So what's your deal, anyway?" Nurse Boy asks after sitting in silence with me while he puffed a cigarette. "Is your dad paying us all to get you some free time you don't even want? What's up with that?"

I was wondering where the conversation would go after allowing him to sit in on my very uneventful break.

"He's not my dad," I say after a second of contemplating my response. "He's a friend. And yeah, I don't really know what's up with it. I'm not complaining though; It gets me away from Serenity in there, so..."

Nurse boy nods, blowing out the last of his cigarette before flicking it over the edge of the building. "She's a handful," he says under his breath.

I nod my head in agreement, uncertain of where to go from here. Sometimes, life without Jena confuses me.

Like... if Jena weren't so quiet and lethargic in my head, she'd probably have had this dude talking up a storm about shit that doesn't even matter. She'd make him feel comfortable right now because the end game is her riding him, or bent over in front of him.

Jena trying to be Hayden would have probably backed herself into a corner by now. She would be friendly, but oddly oblivious and still having to fight off her monster all the while.

Hayden though? Hayden without Jena? Or any of the other voices that sway me into actions? She doesn't know what the fuck to say to this guy.

"So... you're really quiet..." Nurse Boy says after a while. I somehow already knew it was coming. I let out a small laugh, mostly to take up time while I contemplate my next words.

How does Jena do this?

I'm not trying to fuck the guy. I'm really not; So trying to pull Jena to mind for reference becomes a tricky task.

"I'm not really sure what to say..." I force myself to respond before too much time passes.

This is weird. I'm no good at this.

Nurse boy laughs and glances over at me. He allows a few moments to pass before responding.

"Okay, well... I'm Ryan," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "I only have this job because my mom works in the adult ward, and insists I pay rent if I'm not going to finish college."

I laugh. That's not really what I'd expect to hear from one of the "highly trained staff members" that Mama G is dishing out thousands of dollars for.

"I'm Hayden," I say as I giggle. "I'm here because my mother, sisters, and boyfriend don't trust me. And they shouldn't, I guess."

Ryan laughs too, but pauses to turn to me. "Boyfriend? You're like... 15."

I narrow my eyes, but still force a friendly chuckle.

"I'm 17, and my boyfriend is only 22," I say matter-of-factly. "Age ain't a thing but a number!"

He rolls his eyes. "Okay, so-" he says, having to force himself to stop laughing only to try to grow serious. "Sarah can hook up with a 32-year-old if she wanted? Is that what you're saying?"

My brows furrow at the thought of it. That's a pretty dramatic comparison.

"No way!" I exclaim, "That's not right! There's like... some kind of rule about it; you can't be young in the head, and hooking up with older guys! She's still mentally a child!!"

Ryan stares at me as if I'm crazy, though he still can't help the laughter from escaping his lips. "I guess I get what you're saying..." he says, trying to sound reluctant. "It's just weird to think about, I guess."

We both falter off with nothing else to say on the matter. I'm thankful for it too, because I've always hated it when people put me in some kind of age-restricted box. Nobody knows what I've been through; I've never been a child.

I can't help but think about Jena, and how she would have taken his disbelief as a challenge, and seduced him. She would have made him recognize that age wasn't a thing, that's for sure.

I'm not Jena anymore though...

This is who I have to be now.