Jenalyn: From the Inside (#3) [Complete]

Chapter 49: Hayden

Wednesday, 6:07 P.M. EST

I’m in the group room paired up with some woman from the adult ward. She’s supposed to play some sponsor/mentor-type role. It’s a new program they’ve implicated here, I guess. 

I wonder if they paired us up based on our files or something. 

She had no problem introducing herself. Her name is Sascha. She’s a 24-year-old recovering drug addict who found herself among prostitutes after running away from her foster family. 

“Oh, hey! I didn’t know you were pregnant!” she gasps, pulling me from my thoughts after noticing a response on the questionnaire game they’d assigned us to play. “How far along are you?! You can’t even tell! You’re so tiny!”

I smile, offering a generic response as I wonder if I’m even supposed to try anymore.

I mean, I brought Jena out… She doesn’t take any kind of therapy very well.

“Oh, wow! You’re itty bitty!” she exclaims in response. “I’m sorry, it’s just my first inclination to ask because of who I am- but do you know who the father is?”

It’s hard to stay focused on her questions with all the thoughts running through my head.

Does bringing Jena out mean I give up? Are all hopes of healing over?

I think hard but fast on the questions, and ultimately conclude one response. 

No. 

Maybe that’s how I control her! Just… keep trying! I always give up, but... I'm stronger now!

“Tyler Robson,” I answer after what seems like too long of silence. “I'm not sure if you’re familiar with him…? He’s the frontman in Generation Z.”

Sascha grows excited after a few seconds of racking her mind. “Ohmigod, yes! Of course! I loved them growing up!” she exclaims with wide eyes. “Wow! Who would have- wait! Aren’t you like, 16? 17?” 

The shock on her face is entertaining. I nod, not bothering to go any further on it. The shock wears off after a while.

She gasps and clenches her hand to her chest. “How does that work?!” she asks, her eyes wide for a whole new reason now.

She’s talking about the age difference between me and Ty, and probably how we manage to make it work under the scrutiny of the media all the time. That’s not where my mind goes though, and I find myself quicky growing upset.

“It doesn’t,” I unintentionally snap at Sascha but purposely when it comes to thinking about Ty. “He cheated on me with Sophie fucking Ryan. It doesn't work.”

Sascha doesn’t know how to respond, so it takes a few moments. She offers a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry...” she mumbles, her voice lowered. “There’s never a right thing to say when these things happen, but if he could do that to you? He doesn’t even deserve you. I’ve been there so many times before. He’s not worth it!” 

The words need to sink in for longer than Sascha probably expects. Part of me wants to agree with her, but have a hard time bringing myself to do it. 

I mean, I’ve always loved Ty. Being with him was a dream come true for me! I used to imagine it with Evelyn when we used to pretend we made it big, but I never thought it would happen!

That’s why it hurts so bad that he would cheat on me while I was trying to get help, not just for Hayden, but for him.

“He’s not...” I find myself able to agree after a moment.  “He’s not worth it.”

Sascha goes off on some story about a relationship when her man cheated, staying true to her role as a mentor/sponsor and offering personable advice. I’m too preoccupied in my mind to listen, let alone try to apply any of it to myself.

Maybe Tyler really doesn’t deserve me, I think to myself as my mind wanders. But he very well may deserve Jena...