Jenalyn: From the Inside (#3) [Complete]

Chapter 46: Hayden

Wednesday, 1:34 P.M. EST

I think it's funny that Ryan thinks he knows me well enough to be able to call out when something is different about me. 

I mean... he's only known me for a few weeks!

Maybe playing the crazy mix of roles: including my best friend, personal therapist, and partner in crime here paid off.

"But yeah- I don't know what it is, but I'm definitely feeling some different vibes from you today," he says in summation to the rant he'd gone off on when I'd asked how he knew.

I nod my head, staring off the opposite side of the building. "I'm just having a better day than usual," I say with a smile I don't know I wear.

I feel Ryan staring at me, trying to pick my words apart to figure out why my day has been better. 

My mind is quick to follow, thinking back to Evan and how he baffled me today. 

Without much warning, I turn toward Ryan. "Would you just eat a girl out?" I ask, realizing how it sounded and adding on before he gets the wrong idea. "-I mean like... only get the girl off, and still be content?" 

Ryan's brows furrow in confusion before an entertained laugh escapes his lips. I can hear that he's nervous behind it though; I put him on the spot.

"Uh... yeah?" he says as if I'd asked the stupidest question in the world.

I can tell there's a "but" coming, just liked I'd expected.

"But like... I'd prefer to get off too somehow, if we could make that happen!" he tries to add on. He tries to hold a slick tone, but it's weak.
"I mean, is it my girlfriend? Or a random fuck?"

"Random fuck," I respond. I don't mean for my question so specific, but it doesn't seem like he's catching on anyway.

"Yeah," he answers with confidence. "Then we need to be getting me off as well. Unless it's a fetish? I don't know!"

That's what I thought. 

I'm not saying men can't just give a woman head sometimes and call it a day, but when you have someone offering themselves to you the way I did Evan?

That's not the approach a man would usually take in response...

Only now do I see Ryan start to grow a little skeptical of why I'd asked. He doesn't say anything to question it, but wears a curious look on his face.

"I mean, I guess it could mean something bigger could be planned for a later time?" he offers after a few moments of me falling back into my thoughts. 

It doesn't pull me out of them; I don't think anything could at this point. So I just nod my head in response and continue to listen to all of my voices.