Jenalyn: From the Inside (#3) [Complete]

Chapter 91: Hayden

Sunday, 6:07 PM EST

“When I first came here, I didn’t think I needed it. I’m not going to lie to you guys about that…” I say, honesty dripping from my words. “I wasn’t myself, and the person that I was didn’t want me to get better. She was destructive.”

I bring Jena to my mind; And in turn, Ren. I think about how I found Jena in Ren, and how it both scared and intrigued me at the same time.

“I met all of you,” I continue as the thoughts form themselves in my mind. “One by one, I got to know you. And I found out that… You guys were just like me! Well, different parts of me.”

At first, I let myself ramble. I’m so used to Hayden’s ability to speak to people that I didn’t need to think about what I was saying. But somewhere in the ramblings I realized there was a truth, so I let myself keep going. 

“Ren,” I say as my eyes land on her. I know I should bite my tongue, but the word vomit has already started to form and I can’t stop it now. “You represent the part that brought me here in the first place; The part I no longer desire to be.” 

The nurse who runs the group shoots me a look as if to warn me not to continue. I’m sure she thinks I’m being mean, but I’m being honest. Ren glances over at her, her expression unphased, so the woman allows me to go on.

“Ella,” I say, glancing over to her with a gentle smile. “We didn’t have too much time together because your eating disorder keeps you a little withdrawn, but you represent a part of me that is just as reclusive. My eating disorder.” 

I can see the panic streak across her face as I mention her disorder. It’s the same reaction I have when somebody mentions mine. I prepared for that, and move on quickly. 

“Dan,” I continue, trying my best to ignore the thoughts that bombard my mind from our closet rendezvous. “You- you’re cool. You’ve got some demons in your closet that you like to visit when things aren’t going so well though. And I get that! There are parts of me that do that too… but it’s unhealthy.” 

I can’t bring myself to look at him, but I see him tense in my peripherals. 

“Frank,” I say, moving on before I can linger on it. “I lied; I didn’t get to know everyone. I don’t know you at all! But you represent the part of me that I wish I could be more often… You stay out of things and mind your business. Sometimes it’s okay to stay in the background.” 

My cheeks flush. I can feel that every pair of eyes in the room on me. 

“What about me?” Sarah exclaims after too long of a pause. “Who do I get to be? I’m someone, right?” 

I can’t help the giggle that bubbles out of my mouth. 

“Sarah…” I laugh, clapping my hands together as I turn to her. “You represent the best part of me! The part that was there before all the others came and… messed me up.” 

She looks pleased; Ryan would too if he attended this group. Looks like he was right after all…

“I guess what I’m trying to say is… hindsight is 20/20. I didn’t know then, but I know now…. that I learned a lot about myself here. It’s knowledge I can take away when I leave.” I say, summing it all up. “And because of that, I have a plan of action. I think…we’re all going to be okay!”