100 Letters To My Future Self

7th Letter: When Moments Become Memories

Dear Future me,

I suddenly remember that movie again, that one movie that inspired me to write all of these letters to you.

D'you remember the girl in that movie? How happy her 17 year-old self is everytime she paints and makes art? How her 28 year old self lost that happiness? That talent?

I think that it is what's going to happen to us. I'm halfway to losing the happiness I once have everytime I write and imagine different scenarios in my head. And I just hope that it doesn't come to you completely. I hope you don't lose this kind of happiness.

There was time when we feel like the world's made of sunshine, sunbeams, and rainbows. When we thought that writing was the best feeling ever in the universe. When we get all excited just imagining plots and dialogues in our heads. Plus, that feeling we get after having completed a chapter. Or when we thought that our grammar had gotten better and when we discovered new words that amazed our crazy minds. I also couldn't forget how everytime we got writer's block we'd chew on a menthol gum and all the nerves in our brain would function again. How we stayed up late at night on a desk with a mirror, and how mom scolded us and forced us to go to sleep already.
Those  feelings and memories are so precious to us. We were so happy once. It was amazing how words could make us feel so excited more than anything else.
I hope we could have that feeling again. I've been trying to become that person I once was before but I'm still getting scared of the consequences it will bring to us. Or, to you. Especially to you.
That person was scared of the world, that's why she wrote because she found comfort in writing more than anything else. She found her refuge there, her safety, and her happiness eventually. But now, I am braver than she is but I lost that kind of talent. I lost that kind of heart. I am no longer the child I once was and if I become her again, I wouldn't be able to face my life's responsibilities the right way. And imagine what will happen to you?
You'll be blaming me for everything else, specially when you realized that you are not living the life we always imagine. Especially when you are a failure right where you are now.

So my point is, we'll have to make peace with our past self. She was happy then but we can also be happy right where we are now. Writing had been part of us, and so it will be for eternity. It doesn't matter if we can't write as good as our past self can, but somehow we'll manage. Just like what I'm doing now. I hope you still write for me from time to time. I would very much like to hear how you think about you in the future.

So till then, see yah.

Love always,
magicshop