100 Letters To My Future Self

57th Letter: How Am I?

March 3, 2020

Dear Future Me,

How am I these days?

*sighs*

I don't know where to begin. I feel like I really disappeared from the outside world. Been feeling a lot like an introvert now. But I do feel better.
Eversince that incident a few days ago, I've been haunted by feelings of regret and most times, I just feel like scratching my head and screaming at the top of my lungs. But it's done. It happened already. I don't think I could do much about that.
Important thing is, I'm here. Living. Breathing. Probably not what I've imagined years ago, but at least it's life. There's a kind of torture at most nights, but I preoccupied my mind with lots of stuffs and I just shrugged the whole situation off.

I know I am a moron. That, I can accept. But the worst part is, I'm not doing anything to make me less of a moron. I just stay a moron, probably for the rest of my life. I just can't stand it, living a life somewhere away from everything I love. It just makes me feel lonely. I guess it isn't really for me after all. But who knows. Once I'm old enough, I'd probably be able to adjust with stuffs. But not now. Because now, I'm still enjoying my so-called isolated life. I don't know what I will gain from this though. But at a least, I feel more at peace being near with my parents, helping them with the house chores since they're so busy (especially my mom since I fear that she might collapse soon and end up in the hospital again) , and taking care of the animals. I've been reading everyday and trying to appear less in social media.  (I tried as hard as I can 😭 but the other part of me keeps missing my loves of my life)
And speaking of all those loves of my life, well... there's a lot to tell but I can't write it all down because it would take me long. And besides, you know how how I feel right now anyway.

Let me just brief you some of what's going on instead. Our first love of our life, Kim Seokjin is still making our heart flutter everytime. There's really something about him, isn't it? He just can't stop us from falling over him.  The second one, Mark Tuan, I have no news about him but I've seen posts from him and he's been having photoshoots from different magazines and he's looks really handsome.
The third one, Kim Jungwoo, well.. He's been appearing everywhere since NCT 127 comeback is coming soon. I keep seeing him on YouTube and twitter and he just keep melting our heart.
And one more thing, I've been obsessed with SEVENTEEN nowadays. I've been watching their show GOING SEVENTEEN and a lot of random videos. They're pretty much fun to watch and each member has a distinct and unique personality that really makes me want to check them out. I love them more now. How could I not, right?

Anyway, the point is, life's good here. I got time. A lot of it. And I'm feeling really better.

Love always,
magicshop