100 Letters To My Future Self

66th Letter: Your ARMY

June 3, 2020

Seokjin-ah,

I was supposed to write you a letter last two days ago but I was attacked by anxiety again. I lost it. I really lost it. I cried my eyes out in bed until I fell asleep because I really felt like everything in my life is a mess.
But when I woke up, I tried my best to feel better. I sung my favorite songs as loud as I can and dance to their beat as wild as I could be. Then I went digging at my uncle's backyard looking for gold or antique items with my mom and dad. In the afternoon, I slept for hours until evening. My day went well like that.

It was stressful at work yesterday. One of the reason I skip work the other day was that my work took so much of my time and our manager didn't even pay me much. They still owed me five hours in total but I'm the one who owed them 10 hours for my absences. I don't really like this job much but our manager said, we were lucky to have this job when others lost theirs because of the outbreak.
I wasn't planning on staying here for a long time. One year would be enough. I'll just have to achieve that goal then work for a few months and maybe after the outbreak I'll find something else. I just hope it works well for me.

How are you now? I was happy because a few days before, I saw the replay of your live. I see you've been learning to play the piano now. I'm cheering for you all the time. Last time I saw you play was two years ago, on KBS Gayo de Chukje. You performed Epiphany well and I tried so hard to capture that moment in my camera. Look how much time had passed already. You shared so much memories with me and I could only wonder how much my love grows for you.

Seokjin-ah, my heart aches for everything. I guess the loneliness never left me all along. But this loneliness is love. I worry about my life quite a lot, about parents, my future and any other things. And it makes me sad sometimes. But like I told you, this is love. We get sad and worried about something or someone because we love them. And I guess that's beautiful. I worry about you too. I know you will be going away this year. You never mentioned it but I know. Everyone knows.
I wonder what it will be like for the others. K-media said Yoongi will follow soon after. What will happen to us? It will not be the same anymore. But I just want to let you know that I'm still going to be here, waiting and cheering for you. Everyone will.

And by the way, I saw the family portraits for FESTA. They were beautiful. I can see how happy you are being with the people you care so much. I saw all your smiles there and it made me wonder how long seven years were for all of you to smile like that to each other. Taekook made my heart flutter. Yoonmin's smiles and Hoseok's could fill up my galaxy. You and Namjoon reminded me of my parents everytime you look at your members.
Happy 7 years by the way. I've been greeting you twice already but I just can't imagine it. Seven years of love. And counting.

I don't know what I should present as a gift. Last year, I made edits on each picture of the members. But I only managed to edit three because it was already 4 am in the morning. I'll probably write letters to each one of you and post them on my blog.
Then, I'll tell everyone how much I love all of you. The usual stuffs.

Anyway, about the Bangbangcon. The date was already scheduled. It was right after the day of your anniversary. I'll be there, Seokjin-ah. Expect me to be there.

Love always,
Your ARMY at the other side of your galaxy