100 Letters To My Future Self

70th Letter: You And The Blast I Had

June 15, 2020

Dearest Jin,

Bang Bang Con was a blast. I told you I'd be there and I was. I fulfilled my promise to you. Sadly, though, I didn't come with my friend. She had some issues with her eyes and she was resting well at their house.

The members shone as bright as day but you shone the brightest most of all. I just kept missing you. Thank you for being there. I know it was hard not being able to meet with us personally because of our terrible situation right now and I know we would have ran to you if you did but I guess what you did was better.
You were able to rest well and eat well and we really wanted you to be healthy.

But Seokjin-ah, there are so much things I wanted to talk to you about. Last night, I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about so many things. I guess the Bang Bang Con fever had not left me yet. When I did slept at 12 am, I dreamed about my friend. Her sister brought her a lightstick. But what's weird about it is that, the lightsick wasn't an army bomb but a combination of the army bomb and the hammer bong. It looked really weird. But in my dream, it wasn't. I was jealous there, because my friend wasn't as broke as I am. And then, I drifted in and out of sleep. I wasn't able to sleep well because I worry about things I didn't even know. I forgot what I worried about last night but I guess I was only nostalgic about the things I held dear in my heart.
Like, you for example. I ended the day yesterday in a craze so I kept thinking about you even in my sleep. Another thing is that, so many things happened yesterday that I haven't got time to acknowledge because I was busy focusing on Bang Bang Con. Yesterday, your juniors, TXT, had ended their promotions on Eternity. MOAs were posting about how the comeback went, how much fun they had, and how they were able to have a wonderful experience. And I was like, "Is that the end of it?". I haven't been with them for too long since I have other priorities too.  But it makes me wonder how wonderful they are for working too hard for the people they love. Another thing that happened was that it was Taeil's Bday, the other moon of my life, and I missed it. You probably don't know about him but he's this guy I really adore because he sings really well. But Czennies had a blast on his bday too. They showed so much love and support to him as much as the members did. So I guess I was just grateful somebody had to do it even without me. Then, the last thing I want to tell you about is the worst. Ahgases went on full strike yesterday demanding JYP to treat GOT7 better. They signed a petition, trended a hashtag, and post about how JYP mistreated GOT7 throughout the years. It's so sad something like this had to happen. Somebody gave me the link of the petition but I wasn't able to sign it yesterday because I lost it. I'll find it again and I'll sign it too. It's not alright anymore. GOT7 is the next big thing in Kpop but JYP's lack of attention towards them could bring them down. I was furious about that a lot yesterday but Bang Bang Con happened so I forget about it pretty quick. But then, today I remembered about it and I'm furious again. And then, it's already Hoshi's bday and I had to set aside my anger to celebrate his bday with my co-carats.

I know it feels weird for telling you all of these when you don't even know half of what I'm talking about. I just wanted to tell you because I had no one to talk to about these stuffs and I had to let this nostalgic thoughts out or I'll burst inside.

Anyway, if you want to know about my life (which you obviously didn't care but I'm still telling you anyway) I've been pretty much feeling better. I've been distracting myself a lot these days. The regret had not left me yet since that day.
I think God had taken it really seriously. I said I was tired. I never said I would give up. But I guess He misunderstood me. Life is really a tragedy when you're watching it too close but a comedy when  you're watching from afar. I cried so hard that day but now I just have to laugh about it. Yes, I'm quite broke right now and can't find even a decent job because my lazy ass is not looking for anything but I'm just laughing about it. I'm not sure what my life will turn out in the coming months but I just leave it all to God. After all, He was the one who found places for me to settle even when I wasn't even looking. And the things I have been looking for didn't even come to me. So I guess He knows more about my life than I do.

So I guess I have to say goodbye now. Those are just the things I want to talk to you about and I felt relieved I got it all out. Thank you for your time yesterday. I had so much fun. Hoping for another one like that and Happy 7 years.

Love always,
Your ARMY from the other side of your galaxy