100 Letters To My Future Self

21st Letter: 365 Questions Part VII

181. Why do we idolize sports players?

I don't know 'cos I don't really idolized sport players. Never even done it ever since.

182. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?

To offer love.

183. What do you see when you look into the future?

Nothing. I don't want to imagine it yet. I'm scared if I am not actually living the life that I always dream of.

184. What makes you angry?  Why?

Annoying people. Because they just annoy me.

185. What is the most valuable life lesson you learned from your parents?

To never lie, swear, cheat and steal.

186. What does love feel like?

Love is warm.

187. What are your favorite simple pleasures?

Videos of my favorite kpop idols and new books on my TBR.

188. If you could go back in time and tell a younger version of yourself one thing, what would you tell?

There's a lot that I want to tell her. I even made a diary full of letters to her. But the most important thing that I really want to tell her is to keep moving. I know how she's suffered a lot because she was more eccentric than me with less confidence of herself and yet she wanted the world's attention turn towards her and wanted to be the same as the rest of everybody because it kills her to be different. I know how she hated herself so much because she didn't like the way she looked in the mirror, and also because she could never have a good sense of humor just like everybody else in her class, and she didn't fit in with the fun people. But I want to tell her that it's alright. She doesn't have to hurt herself in trying to become someone that she's not. Everything will resolve to be different in the future for her. And I hope she understands that those people she hated so much and wanted so much to become have never really had it easy in college and in life. I want to tell her to keep going and embrace all that she is because she's the reason that I become the person  I am right now, that I am where I'm supposed to be, and living the life she have always dreamed of. She doesn't have to worry about not fitting in with those people, because she'll realize someday she has actually reached a higher step than them. Because, here I am right now, writing this, getting paid for my work, and able to write a good story and read good books. And so happy to be like me.

189. What do you do to deliberately impress others?

I don't impress others very much. I tend to things the way I want with honesty and dedication, and it's just up to them to get impressed.

190. What will you never do?

To steal and swear. My parents didn't waste their time trying to raise me right just so I could steal and swear curse words. I want to prove them that they have raised me to be the person they always want me to be.

191. Excluding romantic relationships, who do you love?

My family and three of my friends.

192. What is your earliest childhood memory?

When I had my third birthday, and my grandma visited me and dad was cooking lechon manok, and I have balloons all around me. That's the earliest memory I could remember.

193. What book has had the greatest influence on your life?

There's a lot, actually. 'Cos I'm pretty much of a book lover.
But here are the list so far: The Perks of Being A Wallflower, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Thief Lord, The Book Thief, Tiger Lily, Norwegian Wood, The Ocean At The End of the Lane, Jellicoe Road, Turtles All the Way Down, Everyday, Bone Gap.

194. What three questions do you wish you knew the answers to?
   
  - Who are we in the whole universe?
  - What will happen to BTS and other       Kpop boybands that I love after 30 years?
  - What will I look like when I'll be 80 years old?

195. What is the greatest peer pressure you've ever felt?

That time when I was in my second year of college. I had friends who weren't really close to me 'cos I just wanted to fit in with them. It's actually a win-win situation. They need me and I also need them. But they made me do things I didn't really usually do. Though I like it a first, I get suffocated later on. They seem to show me to get out of my comfort zone, and I did. I started drinking, pretended to laugh with them even though it feels like I'm only laughing all by myself, and get crazy. But at the end of the day, I hated it. I hated everything and regretted everything.

196. What's the biggest lie you once believed was true?

That someone could love me with all that I am. It's all a lie. How could someone like me when I live in the darkness and don't love anyone else?

August 19, 2019

197. In your lifetime, what have you done that hurt someone else?

Believing that I could be loved romantically. A lot of people fall for that. Even I fall for that. I just keep hurting them more.

198. What's the best part of growing older?

No school. Thank God, I just graduated.

199. What's been on your mind most lately?

Home.

200. What do you think is worth waiting for?

Wealth and Success.

201. What chances do you wish you had taken?

That I should have taken the scholarshis exam in high-school very seriously.

202. Where else would you like to live?  Why?

I love to live in a house by the sea, where every morning I take a walk on the shore with my dogs and in the evening we'd have campfires then we'll do night swimming and sleep under the stars.

203. What motivates you to go to work each day?

The salary.

204. What do you wish you had done differently?

During my college days, I wish I didn't believe in people who told me to change

Aug. 30, 2019

205. What is your greatest strength and your greatest weakness?

My greatest strength is my weird perception on life

206. When was the last time you lied?  What did you lie about?

I don't really remember. Maybe that time I tell someone I love them and I just keep repeating that word since I don't wanna hurt them.

207. What made you smile this week?

That today is Friday and I'm finally going home later

208. What do you do with the majority of your money?

To support my family

209. What motivates you to be your best?

The love I have for my beautiful self

210. When was the last time you lost your temper?  About what?

I lose my temper every time my roommates become annoying as heck.